Mood improvement
Dec. 10th, 2017 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackJust over a week ago, things... somehow fell into place in my head. I think a confluence of circumstance led to that, that of all the things that felt weighing on me, they'd mostly resolved themselves one way or another.
Work felt like it shifted, not from any particular change, but like a magic eye picture from "probably all this work will be worthwhile, but there's no way to tell, I just need to force myself to have faith" to "ok, it seems what we're doing is achieving progress". But along with that change all sorts of other things just fell away too. All sorts of things that were, "oh my god, this has been hanging over me for years, it shouldn't be that hard, but even if i do it, I'll have so many other things to do too" became "oh well, most people probably don't have time for all those things, if I do even some of them I'll be kicking arse".
Getting things done shifted from predominantly "I need to force myself to do X, Y and Z today, inevitably I'll leave them as long as I can before starting so I have some rest" to "I could do A, B and C today, if I do I'll feel really good, and if I start them now, they shouldn't even take so long". I did more flop.
One possible instigation was work coming into focus from having clear deadlines with clear goals. Another was my resolve to set myself no long term goals for december, but try to relax. Another was my resolve to focus less on specific goals, and more on seeking self-reinforcing loops, of small mood improvements that let me do small tasks, which in turn lead to larger mood improvements.
I thought about this in terms of my putative productivity app. I realise that historically, the productivity tool I need is primarily about forcing myself to do a minimum. Of choosing what I can consistently do, and doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY, because then I can build up a habit of doing it, and a sense of achievement at sticking to it. But when my mood lifts, it's more like, I want to do all the things and I need to channel myself into doing a reasonable mix and pacing myself.
One question is, can I keep it up? I hope so, but I don't know for sure. Another is, am I actually being more effective, or happier, or neither? I think both are true but I'm not completely sure.
Work felt like it shifted, not from any particular change, but like a magic eye picture from "probably all this work will be worthwhile, but there's no way to tell, I just need to force myself to have faith" to "ok, it seems what we're doing is achieving progress". But along with that change all sorts of other things just fell away too. All sorts of things that were, "oh my god, this has been hanging over me for years, it shouldn't be that hard, but even if i do it, I'll have so many other things to do too" became "oh well, most people probably don't have time for all those things, if I do even some of them I'll be kicking arse".
Getting things done shifted from predominantly "I need to force myself to do X, Y and Z today, inevitably I'll leave them as long as I can before starting so I have some rest" to "I could do A, B and C today, if I do I'll feel really good, and if I start them now, they shouldn't even take so long". I did more flop.
One possible instigation was work coming into focus from having clear deadlines with clear goals. Another was my resolve to set myself no long term goals for december, but try to relax. Another was my resolve to focus less on specific goals, and more on seeking self-reinforcing loops, of small mood improvements that let me do small tasks, which in turn lead to larger mood improvements.
I thought about this in terms of my putative productivity app. I realise that historically, the productivity tool I need is primarily about forcing myself to do a minimum. Of choosing what I can consistently do, and doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY, because then I can build up a habit of doing it, and a sense of achievement at sticking to it. But when my mood lifts, it's more like, I want to do all the things and I need to channel myself into doing a reasonable mix and pacing myself.
One question is, can I keep it up? I hope so, but I don't know for sure. Another is, am I actually being more effective, or happier, or neither? I think both are true but I'm not completely sure.