Heffers Superhero Session 1 (Part 1)
Jan. 30th, 2019 02:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackPreface: As with most of my roleplaying transcripts, it is moderately fictionalised. Many of the cool ideas came from my players, and we really did get ourselves into the sort of binds described here -- but I've played stuff up and changed it around to make it fun to read.
GM: Blah blah superhero city blah blah blah
GM: Your mentors, and all of the other top tier superheroes and supervillains have mysteriously vanished overnight.
GM: No offence for what this implies about the tier of YOUR characters.
Nova Ninja: I have ninja powers, but 'm not so much a superhero, as I play one on TV.
Ninja: I arrive at the TV studio. No-one is there today.
Ninja: I adjust my name higher in the billing.
GM: Superhero dispatch calls you and says there's an urgent situation developing and of all the superheroes available, you're the one best placed to deal with it.
GM: She doesn't sound happy about it.
Ninja: I'm on my way!
GM: You drive off in your low-rent actor-mobile. It is full of discarded coffee cups and anachronistic cigarettes.
GM: Meanwhile!
"Rusty" Watts: I'm the chief engineer for Mechanus. She flies a suit like Tony Stark. And is rich, like Tony Stark. And...
GM: Yes, we all get the "Tony Stark" concept.
Dr Weird: I'm playing the reluctant arrogant upper-class sorcerer supreme.
GM: Oh, yes, did you have any difficulty adapting an existing DnD class to a superhero wizard concept.
Dr Weird: Really, really no.
GM: Ok, it seems everyone is very 'Marvel'.
Vapourwave: Synthesiser musician Vivian Vance was using cutting-edge graphene technology to get the ultimate bass sound when he permanently altered the vibration of his molecules, turning him into living sound. He fights crime mentored by grizzled 1970s glam-rock crimefighter IGGY STARDUST.
GM: I stand by my comment.
Rusty: Anyway, I'm running around keeping dozens of engineers busy while wondering what to do about my missing boss.
Rusty: Everything should be fine unless they need a superhero.
Rusty: Dispatch asks me to fire up whatever mechs we have working and help out. I say 'fuck'.
Rusty: Wait, am I narrating too much?
GM: No, that's just perfect. Go at it.
GM: Superhero dispatch briefs you en route.
GM: She says, baking and confectionery themed supervillain called the queen of hearts has vanished.
GM: Panicked calls indicate something is badly wrong at her base and may be a threat to the city.
GM: Priority 1: Find any threats to the city and prevent them.
GM: Priority 2: Prevent her cookbook of evil recipes falling into the wrong hands.
GM: Priority 3: Make the building safe for the police to process any remaining minions and creations.
GM: OK, did you get all that?
Players: Uh, something about coffee?
GM: JESUS WEPT do you people, wait, I mean, dispatch says, "Jesus wept, do you people ever listen"
GM: Seriously, can you repeat that back to me?
Players: Uhh.... something about police?
Players: Um. Find the cookbook.
Players: And, uh...
GM: Prevent the threat to the city.
GM: The top priority is ALWAYS to prevent the threat to the city, ok?
Rusty: Not for me. I'm an engineer.
Ninja: And I just play one on TV.
Weird: And I don't really care about people yet.
Vapourwave: *Strikes a dramatic pose*
Vapourwave: [Something which was really in character and hammed up and funny at the time but I can't reproduce because the player can act vapourwave really well and I can't, also despite ok'ing this character I have none of the musical knowledge so I may let the side down a bit as GM]
GM: Good enough. You all arrive in the plaza outside the building.
Weird: a coffee cup bobs in the air beside me, levitated with mage hand
Ninja: I grab for it
Weird: It bobs out of the way
GM: An extremely obnoxious fellow superhero Shock Jock hovers in the air, crackling with lightning powers.
Players: *make cultural references to shock jocks*
GM: This is the sort of thing I should be familiar with before making real-world allusions with my characters.
GM: He has comprehensively fried a pile of ashes on the ground below.
Rusty: Can I deploy some aerial drones to scan the building, the area, and the pile of ashes?
GM: Yes!
GM: Roll some dice.
GM: You discover all the things I'd set out for this area but hadn't specified how you'd find.
GM: A 10-ft marshmallow man escaped the lair and Shock Jock destroyed it before it could rampage across the city.
Players: Oh, you mean like in Ghos--
GM: Yes, like in Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters doesn't have a monopoly on mashmallow men.
GM: In fact, someone else has a trademark on the concept.
GM: I tried to think of something else but a marshmallow man was the only thing that made sense.
GM: Anyway, Shock Jock taunts you. He says, he's saved the city, you can handle the mop-up.
GM: He's clearly an utter blowhard.
Vapourwave: Lets keep this moving. I enter the building in incorporeal form.
GM: Yes, thank you!
GM: You know, everyone else could also do that if they wanted.
GM: I'm not saying you HAVE to keep the party together.[1]
Vapourwave: [More awesome glam-rock acting] The superheroes are here!
GM: The receptionist exclaims "thank goodness"
GM: Two guards look very nervous. They say, "But we're not supposed to let anyone in. Especially superheroes".
GM: There is a medium-size dog behind the counter made from current cake. It frolics excitedly, wuffing hello to everyone.
GM: As it frolics, you see little sparks rising from its paws where they touch the floor.
Players: ...
GM: You know, like a CURRENT cake.
Players: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.
Vapourwave: Stand aside, citizens! This operation is necessary to protect the city.
GM: (thinks) I deliberately scripted this so they might need to incapacitate the guards or talk their way past.
GM: (thinks) But I hope it doesn't turn into an endless talking scene.
Ninja: I infiltrate past the lobby, open the door to the store-room, and dramatically ninja-roll inside.
Ninja: I can do that, right?
GM: Awesome! Lets make some ninja rolls.
GM: That's pretty good. But you didn't check if you needed to jimmy the door first, and you didn't look inside, so...
GM: The door hisses open. Everyone looks at you. The guards say, "Hey, you. Stop!" and lower their comically oversized frosting squirt guns.
Ninja: I say again, I dramatically ninja-roll through the door.
GM: The store room is packed with boxes, barrels, etc. Half a dozen oversize gingerbread people scurry around assembling ingredients and sending them through to the kitchen.
GM: I swear I planned it like this, I didn't just make it up now to screw you.
GM: You knock several of the boxes over. Assortments of cakes, ingredients, etc spill across the floor.
GM: With your Awesome Ninja Powers you come rolling to your feet in the one clear patch of floor.
GM: Two of the gingerbread people run up to you.
GM: "Please don't knock things over in the store-room," they say.
Ninja: Uh, um. Uh, superhero... Uh, what. Damn it, I punch one of them in the face.
GM: OK, everyone roll initiative.
GM: Meanwhile, in the lobby.
Vapourwave: I materialise, and do a fancy move wresting the gun out of the guard's hand, spinning it round, and clonking on the jaw. I roll a 1.
GM: OK, that happens exactly as you described except for the jaw being clonked being someone else's. The gun drops to the flaw.
Weird: Dr Weird is reading twitter with one hand, but looks up long enough to Furiously Rebuke one of the guards.
GM: Bzaaap!
GM: You knew there were going to be sound effects, right?
GM: OK, between you you've mostly taken care of two guards and two gingerbread people, but the rest are mobbing the ninja.
Ninja: I leap onto a high shelf.
GM: You're running away from four gingerbread people?
Ninja: Don't judge me.
Rusty: OK, mech time. It charges into the storeroom trampling the gingerbread people.
Rusty: There's not exactly rules for trampling like that, is that ok?
GM: Oh yes. But you remember there's stuff all over the floor.
Rusty: It's fine, even if something happens with the mech, it'll just slide on with momentum. That's just as good, right?
GM: OK, sure.
GM: Dex check. What's the mech's dex?
Rusty: It's less what it is, and more what it isn't.
Rusty: *rolls* Zero.
GM: Zero total?
Rusty: Zero total. Two, minus two.
Rusty: As I think you hoped for.
GM: OK, one roll on the random baking magic effects table...
GM: The cakes say "eat me". One of the mech's feet goes from thiiiiiiis big to ths big. It collapses, and as you suggested, slides forward.
Rusty: And?
GM: Lets just say you roll an attack for each gingerbread person.
Rusty: OK, that's 12, for 4 damage if it hits, 15, seven damage, 11...
GM: OK, look, that takes all of them out.
GM: We have to be out of here by 10:00.
GM: And the mech slides inexorably through the packed storeroom,
GM: That's lets say, ten more rolls on the random effects table.
Rusty: Uh-oh.
GM: *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll*
Rusty: Uh-oh.
GM: Including three rolls on the large random effects table from the internet.
Rusty: Uh-oh.
GM: OK, the mech's foot grows again... shrinks again... grows again
GM: Was there an AI involved in this mech?
Rusty: I'm not sure.
GM: Well, there is now.
GM: And it's... paranoid, fleeing, and angry.
GM: It says, "It's ok for you sitting in the chair in the van, why do I have to do all the dirty work."
GM: It charges out of the storeroom towards the street.
Players: You have a kill-switch, right?
Rusty. I have a kill switch.
Players: *glance anxiously at the GM*
Rusty: Right?
GM: It's ok.
Mech: Bzzzoooooorp *power down*
GM: OK, we're.... about on schedule, in fact.
GM: Well done everyone, lets take stock for a moment.
[1] In fact, I deliberately arranged this concept so two small groups would work well, partly so I could mandate that if I ended up with too many players, and partly to allow variety and different superheroes to play to their own strengths.
GM: Blah blah superhero city blah blah blah
GM: Your mentors, and all of the other top tier superheroes and supervillains have mysteriously vanished overnight.
GM: No offence for what this implies about the tier of YOUR characters.
Nova Ninja: I have ninja powers, but 'm not so much a superhero, as I play one on TV.
Ninja: I arrive at the TV studio. No-one is there today.
Ninja: I adjust my name higher in the billing.
GM: Superhero dispatch calls you and says there's an urgent situation developing and of all the superheroes available, you're the one best placed to deal with it.
GM: She doesn't sound happy about it.
Ninja: I'm on my way!
GM: You drive off in your low-rent actor-mobile. It is full of discarded coffee cups and anachronistic cigarettes.
GM: Meanwhile!
"Rusty" Watts: I'm the chief engineer for Mechanus. She flies a suit like Tony Stark. And is rich, like Tony Stark. And...
GM: Yes, we all get the "Tony Stark" concept.
Dr Weird: I'm playing the reluctant arrogant upper-class sorcerer supreme.
GM: Oh, yes, did you have any difficulty adapting an existing DnD class to a superhero wizard concept.
Dr Weird: Really, really no.
GM: Ok, it seems everyone is very 'Marvel'.
Vapourwave: Synthesiser musician Vivian Vance was using cutting-edge graphene technology to get the ultimate bass sound when he permanently altered the vibration of his molecules, turning him into living sound. He fights crime mentored by grizzled 1970s glam-rock crimefighter IGGY STARDUST.
GM: I stand by my comment.
Rusty: Anyway, I'm running around keeping dozens of engineers busy while wondering what to do about my missing boss.
Rusty: Everything should be fine unless they need a superhero.
Rusty: Dispatch asks me to fire up whatever mechs we have working and help out. I say 'fuck'.
Rusty: Wait, am I narrating too much?
GM: No, that's just perfect. Go at it.
GM: Superhero dispatch briefs you en route.
GM: She says, baking and confectionery themed supervillain called the queen of hearts has vanished.
GM: Panicked calls indicate something is badly wrong at her base and may be a threat to the city.
GM: Priority 1: Find any threats to the city and prevent them.
GM: Priority 2: Prevent her cookbook of evil recipes falling into the wrong hands.
GM: Priority 3: Make the building safe for the police to process any remaining minions and creations.
GM: OK, did you get all that?
Players: Uh, something about coffee?
GM: JESUS WEPT do you people, wait, I mean, dispatch says, "Jesus wept, do you people ever listen"
GM: Seriously, can you repeat that back to me?
Players: Uhh.... something about police?
Players: Um. Find the cookbook.
Players: And, uh...
GM: Prevent the threat to the city.
GM: The top priority is ALWAYS to prevent the threat to the city, ok?
Rusty: Not for me. I'm an engineer.
Ninja: And I just play one on TV.
Weird: And I don't really care about people yet.
Vapourwave: *Strikes a dramatic pose*
Vapourwave: [Something which was really in character and hammed up and funny at the time but I can't reproduce because the player can act vapourwave really well and I can't, also despite ok'ing this character I have none of the musical knowledge so I may let the side down a bit as GM]
GM: Good enough. You all arrive in the plaza outside the building.
Weird: a coffee cup bobs in the air beside me, levitated with mage hand
Ninja: I grab for it
Weird: It bobs out of the way
GM: An extremely obnoxious fellow superhero Shock Jock hovers in the air, crackling with lightning powers.
Players: *make cultural references to shock jocks*
GM: This is the sort of thing I should be familiar with before making real-world allusions with my characters.
GM: He has comprehensively fried a pile of ashes on the ground below.
Rusty: Can I deploy some aerial drones to scan the building, the area, and the pile of ashes?
GM: Yes!
GM: Roll some dice.
GM: You discover all the things I'd set out for this area but hadn't specified how you'd find.
GM: A 10-ft marshmallow man escaped the lair and Shock Jock destroyed it before it could rampage across the city.
Players: Oh, you mean like in Ghos--
GM: Yes, like in Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters doesn't have a monopoly on mashmallow men.
GM: In fact, someone else has a trademark on the concept.
GM: I tried to think of something else but a marshmallow man was the only thing that made sense.
GM: Anyway, Shock Jock taunts you. He says, he's saved the city, you can handle the mop-up.
GM: He's clearly an utter blowhard.
Vapourwave: Lets keep this moving. I enter the building in incorporeal form.
GM: Yes, thank you!
GM: You know, everyone else could also do that if they wanted.
GM: I'm not saying you HAVE to keep the party together.[1]
Vapourwave: [More awesome glam-rock acting] The superheroes are here!
GM: The receptionist exclaims "thank goodness"
GM: Two guards look very nervous. They say, "But we're not supposed to let anyone in. Especially superheroes".
GM: There is a medium-size dog behind the counter made from current cake. It frolics excitedly, wuffing hello to everyone.
GM: As it frolics, you see little sparks rising from its paws where they touch the floor.
Players: ...
GM: You know, like a CURRENT cake.
Players: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.
Vapourwave: Stand aside, citizens! This operation is necessary to protect the city.
GM: (thinks) I deliberately scripted this so they might need to incapacitate the guards or talk their way past.
GM: (thinks) But I hope it doesn't turn into an endless talking scene.
Ninja: I infiltrate past the lobby, open the door to the store-room, and dramatically ninja-roll inside.
Ninja: I can do that, right?
GM: Awesome! Lets make some ninja rolls.
GM: That's pretty good. But you didn't check if you needed to jimmy the door first, and you didn't look inside, so...
GM: The door hisses open. Everyone looks at you. The guards say, "Hey, you. Stop!" and lower their comically oversized frosting squirt guns.
Ninja: I say again, I dramatically ninja-roll through the door.
GM: The store room is packed with boxes, barrels, etc. Half a dozen oversize gingerbread people scurry around assembling ingredients and sending them through to the kitchen.
GM: I swear I planned it like this, I didn't just make it up now to screw you.
GM: You knock several of the boxes over. Assortments of cakes, ingredients, etc spill across the floor.
GM: With your Awesome Ninja Powers you come rolling to your feet in the one clear patch of floor.
GM: Two of the gingerbread people run up to you.
GM: "Please don't knock things over in the store-room," they say.
Ninja: Uh, um. Uh, superhero... Uh, what. Damn it, I punch one of them in the face.
GM: OK, everyone roll initiative.
GM: Meanwhile, in the lobby.
Vapourwave: I materialise, and do a fancy move wresting the gun out of the guard's hand, spinning it round, and clonking on the jaw. I roll a 1.
GM: OK, that happens exactly as you described except for the jaw being clonked being someone else's. The gun drops to the flaw.
Weird: Dr Weird is reading twitter with one hand, but looks up long enough to Furiously Rebuke one of the guards.
GM: Bzaaap!
GM: You knew there were going to be sound effects, right?
GM: OK, between you you've mostly taken care of two guards and two gingerbread people, but the rest are mobbing the ninja.
Ninja: I leap onto a high shelf.
GM: You're running away from four gingerbread people?
Ninja: Don't judge me.
Rusty: OK, mech time. It charges into the storeroom trampling the gingerbread people.
Rusty: There's not exactly rules for trampling like that, is that ok?
GM: Oh yes. But you remember there's stuff all over the floor.
Rusty: It's fine, even if something happens with the mech, it'll just slide on with momentum. That's just as good, right?
GM: OK, sure.
GM: Dex check. What's the mech's dex?
Rusty: It's less what it is, and more what it isn't.
Rusty: *rolls* Zero.
GM: Zero total?
Rusty: Zero total. Two, minus two.
Rusty: As I think you hoped for.
GM: OK, one roll on the random baking magic effects table...
GM: The cakes say "eat me". One of the mech's feet goes from thiiiiiiis big to ths big. It collapses, and as you suggested, slides forward.
Rusty: And?
GM: Lets just say you roll an attack for each gingerbread person.
Rusty: OK, that's 12, for 4 damage if it hits, 15, seven damage, 11...
GM: OK, look, that takes all of them out.
GM: We have to be out of here by 10:00.
GM: And the mech slides inexorably through the packed storeroom,
GM: That's lets say, ten more rolls on the random effects table.
Rusty: Uh-oh.
GM: *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll* *roll*
Rusty: Uh-oh.
GM: Including three rolls on the large random effects table from the internet.
Rusty: Uh-oh.
GM: OK, the mech's foot grows again... shrinks again... grows again
GM: Was there an AI involved in this mech?
Rusty: I'm not sure.
GM: Well, there is now.
GM: And it's... paranoid, fleeing, and angry.
GM: It says, "It's ok for you sitting in the chair in the van, why do I have to do all the dirty work."
GM: It charges out of the storeroom towards the street.
Players: You have a kill-switch, right?
Rusty. I have a kill switch.
Players: *glance anxiously at the GM*
Rusty: Right?
GM: It's ok.
Mech: Bzzzoooooorp *power down*
GM: OK, we're.... about on schedule, in fact.
GM: Well done everyone, lets take stock for a moment.
[1] In fact, I deliberately arranged this concept so two small groups would work well, partly so I could mandate that if I ended up with too many players, and partly to allow variety and different superheroes to play to their own strengths.