STOP PRESS: In other news, it turns out she's actually a man. (Don't ask. I can't even remember which film this is in.)
1. Romeo and Juliet
They die at the end. This is not a spoiler because since (a) the play has been extant for four hundred years (b) it's such a famous work and (c) "Romeo and Juliet" as a phrase has entered the langauge to mean doomed lovers, so there's no way you should be ignorant of the ending. OK, admitedly, this won't apply to people outside britain, but it's still not a spoiler because SHAKESPEARE TELLS YOU WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE FIRST SENTENCE. It's a feature of the tragedy that you know what's going to happen.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
2. Titanic
ICEBERG! This is related to the knowing-what's-going-to-happen above. Most people have heard of the titanic. They know it hit an iceberg. This means that the film is made on that assumption, so you experience it as intended when you *do* know, as much as you experience a mystery as intended when you *don't*.
3. Troy
It's been out for THREE THOUSAND YEARS. That's enough time to reach even Australia. For gods' [sic] sake, part of your foot is named after it.
OK, actually, I'm being hyperbolic (sp?) here. I think everyone should know that bit, but needn't have read the Illiad. I haven't...
4. Star Wars
OK, it's just possible you won't have seen the end to Return of the Jedi. I won't actually tell you what happens. But approximately 12% of non-porn email on the internet is devoted to making jokes about people not knowing this, so it's a lost cause. The same goes for what was written on the sled, what Soylent Green is made of, who the white wizard is, etc.
5. Harry Potter.
Don't panic, I'm not talking about what actually happens, but it's a good example of innapropriate warnings imho, specifically that if you're *speculating* what happens in the next book, you don't need a spoiler warning. If it's based on something Rowling said then, yes, that's reasonable[1], or if you happen to know the latin for 'wolf' or something, but if it's just your theory it's a bit overprotective to assume it's completely correct. A 'speculation warning' would be appropriate, but I wonder how someone can read anything whilst avoiding speculation.
[1] Though it's sort of related to 4: good luck keeping that a secret. And also to 2, she said it for a reason: I found the many teasing near-deaths in the latest book more exciting because I knew one of them could be true. (And it was unlikely someone would die mid-book, but the casualness of Cedric's demise seemed to make it possible.)
6. "Origin of the Species" and "Decent of Man"
We evolved from apes. OK, I'm veering off topic now, but since there was no reason for the topic to start with that doesn't really matter. Spoiler warnings be damned, I'm amazed how ignorant some people seem of the punchline here, regardless of how hard everyone tries to tell them. Look around you, people! Look at yourself.
7. The Gospel of John
He comes back from the dead. To be frank, only the first five have I actually heard people advocating spoiler warnings for. I just thought it was funny to imagine someone saying "Jesus does WHAT?" when it's probably the most important event since the start of history, and for a thousand years a third of the world's population have put telling other people about it ahead of their own lives.
1. Romeo and Juliet
They die at the end. This is not a spoiler because since (a) the play has been extant for four hundred years (b) it's such a famous work and (c) "Romeo and Juliet" as a phrase has entered the langauge to mean doomed lovers, so there's no way you should be ignorant of the ending. OK, admitedly, this won't apply to people outside britain, but it's still not a spoiler because SHAKESPEARE TELLS YOU WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE FIRST SENTENCE. It's a feature of the tragedy that you know what's going to happen.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
2. Titanic
ICEBERG! This is related to the knowing-what's-going-to-happen above. Most people have heard of the titanic. They know it hit an iceberg. This means that the film is made on that assumption, so you experience it as intended when you *do* know, as much as you experience a mystery as intended when you *don't*.
3. Troy
It's been out for THREE THOUSAND YEARS. That's enough time to reach even Australia. For gods' [sic] sake, part of your foot is named after it.
OK, actually, I'm being hyperbolic (sp?) here. I think everyone should know that bit, but needn't have read the Illiad. I haven't...
4. Star Wars
OK, it's just possible you won't have seen the end to Return of the Jedi. I won't actually tell you what happens. But approximately 12% of non-porn email on the internet is devoted to making jokes about people not knowing this, so it's a lost cause. The same goes for what was written on the sled, what Soylent Green is made of, who the white wizard is, etc.
5. Harry Potter.
Don't panic, I'm not talking about what actually happens, but it's a good example of innapropriate warnings imho, specifically that if you're *speculating* what happens in the next book, you don't need a spoiler warning. If it's based on something Rowling said then, yes, that's reasonable[1], or if you happen to know the latin for 'wolf' or something, but if it's just your theory it's a bit overprotective to assume it's completely correct. A 'speculation warning' would be appropriate, but I wonder how someone can read anything whilst avoiding speculation.
[1] Though it's sort of related to 4: good luck keeping that a secret. And also to 2, she said it for a reason: I found the many teasing near-deaths in the latest book more exciting because I knew one of them could be true. (And it was unlikely someone would die mid-book, but the casualness of Cedric's demise seemed to make it possible.)
6. "Origin of the Species" and "Decent of Man"
We evolved from apes. OK, I'm veering off topic now, but since there was no reason for the topic to start with that doesn't really matter. Spoiler warnings be damned, I'm amazed how ignorant some people seem of the punchline here, regardless of how hard everyone tries to tell them. Look around you, people! Look at yourself.
7. The Gospel of John
He comes back from the dead. To be frank, only the first five have I actually heard people advocating spoiler warnings for. I just thought it was funny to imagine someone saying "Jesus does WHAT?" when it's probably the most important event since the start of history, and for a thousand years a third of the world's population have put telling other people about it ahead of their own lives.