This is something else I always knew in theory but never internalised.
By brain has a great tendency to glom onto "the rules". I always wanted to know what's officially allowed, so I can do that, and not have to constantly worry if I'm transgressing. You may notice I've always tended to worry about "breaking the rules" way too much.
Everyone has this in their own way. Most people's idea of "the rules" is much less fixed than mine used to be, but people get REALLY upset when reality fails to confirm to what they think the rules are!
But I always felt like there had to be fixed rules. For everyone. That people could tell you. That's sometimes stood me well: when there are good rules, I'm good at following them.
And sometimes that's true. Often the law acts like that, although often it doesn't. So do policies, or competition rules.
But usually, in practice, what's "according to the rules" is "what everyone thinks is ok". However inconsistent and nonsensical that is. That usually works out sometimes. People learn their jobs from the people around them. They learn "allowed" behaviour by what people object to. Doing what someone wants is better than doing what someone says, just sometimes neither of you know.
But seeing the "real" rules instead of the "notional" rules is sometimes like hearing a conversation behind the noise of a road drill. It's possible, but the other version constantly inserts itself into my awareness more.
By brain has a great tendency to glom onto "the rules". I always wanted to know what's officially allowed, so I can do that, and not have to constantly worry if I'm transgressing. You may notice I've always tended to worry about "breaking the rules" way too much.
Everyone has this in their own way. Most people's idea of "the rules" is much less fixed than mine used to be, but people get REALLY upset when reality fails to confirm to what they think the rules are!
But I always felt like there had to be fixed rules. For everyone. That people could tell you. That's sometimes stood me well: when there are good rules, I'm good at following them.
And sometimes that's true. Often the law acts like that, although often it doesn't. So do policies, or competition rules.
But usually, in practice, what's "according to the rules" is "what everyone thinks is ok". However inconsistent and nonsensical that is. That usually works out sometimes. People learn their jobs from the people around them. They learn "allowed" behaviour by what people object to. Doing what someone wants is better than doing what someone says, just sometimes neither of you know.
But seeing the "real" rules instead of the "notional" rules is sometimes like hearing a conversation behind the noise of a road drill. It's possible, but the other version constantly inserts itself into my awareness more.