Engagement FAQ 2
Jan. 4th, 2011 01:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackQ. OK, so now you're officially engaged, NOW do you feel the oh so coincidental pangs for conversion?
A. No. Some congregations would view R much more favourably if I happened to be Jewish, but I would rather only convert to a religion if (a) I sincerely want to or (b) people are in genuinely danger of life and limb if I don't. I feel bad that the downsides fall more on her than on me, but I do not think if I were the sort of person who was going to stand up and lie to a Rabbinical court she would want to be with me in the first place :)
Q. But the penis thing doesn't help?
A. No, it doesn't help. But I would rather the main decision was made on personal integrity and honesty, rather than a superficial desire to avoid unnecessary body-modification. I may not have many principles, but it doesn't feel like a wedding is an auspicious time to start throwing away my few remaining ones :)
Q. But, maybe now you're starting to feel you DO sincerely want to?
A. It feels less impossible than it did several years ago, mainly due to many Jewish people charmingly inviting me slowly into their lives and ceremonies, seeing many lovely aspects of Judaism (the food, the arguing...), and an increasing awareness that the whole objection to the "God" thing is not necessarily an obstacle. It feels more like being invited to join a culture than invited to reconsider a factual premise (although other people feel that differently) which is much more possible, it feels like someone I could be -- but still not like who I am.
Q. OK, so no Judaism. How about "love, honour and obey"
A. No way. Any obeying will be strictly for efficiency in a crisis, or because it's kinky :)
Q. What about other quirky wedding customs, like rings, awnings, fire, etc?
A. Quite probably :)
Q. What were your favourite responses?
A. Probably mum's, because she was so pleased. But "congratulations" is clearly still a definite winner. Although extra thanks to everyone who added "squeeeee!" or "mazel tov" or ":D :D :D" which were all lovely.
Q. If you do live together, will you merge book collections?
A. Possibly not even then. We will probably continue to maintain an exit strategy (if only in case our careers send us to different places), either of having books separate, or of having books clearly joint and clearly re-acquirable if necessary. Even if we were living together permanently, there are not that many duplicates: there are a few old favourites where we have to keep both copies, and a few one of us has bought more recently at the other's instigation, when there's small emotional impact to keeping a separate copy, or donating it.
Q. This isn't quite an engagement but question, but what did you get for Christmas/birthday?
A. Mum gave R and I a pile of board games between us, which I helped her pick out, but gave christmas morning that so-desirable "pile of giant boxes" look. R gave me a dressing gown and I gave her a scarf, both of which are incredibly fuzzly. R gave me an e-book reader, which I'd resisted for a while, but is already incredibly useful.
Q. And what did you think of Magicians, by Lev Grossman?
A. It was awesome. It succeeds in writing a modern, mostly-adult novel set a wizarding university with actually academic magic rather than "point and shoot", and around characters who are have realistic twenty-year-old ambitions, loves, and fuck-ups, rather than predictable thirteen-year-old cliches. And in being set after Harry Potter, Narnia, Earthsea, When the Magic Goes Away, etc, etc, have entered popular culture, but not in being overwhelmed by them, just an occasional mention -- and a silent answer to many tropes, by writing so much better what an ACTUAL magician's chess would be like, intricate and magic-based.
Q. And any flaws?
A. The big flaws are (a) the reimagining/referencing/reinterpreting of tropes in classic works, while almost never explicit sometimes stuck me as too blatant, though it could be just me. And (b) the characters mostly blunder from event to event, without any overarching drive to achieve anything particular (not even to graduate), which may be realistic for 20-year-olds, but I don't find as entertaining to read as characters who are DOING something, however simple.
A. No. Some congregations would view R much more favourably if I happened to be Jewish, but I would rather only convert to a religion if (a) I sincerely want to or (b) people are in genuinely danger of life and limb if I don't. I feel bad that the downsides fall more on her than on me, but I do not think if I were the sort of person who was going to stand up and lie to a Rabbinical court she would want to be with me in the first place :)
Q. But the penis thing doesn't help?
A. No, it doesn't help. But I would rather the main decision was made on personal integrity and honesty, rather than a superficial desire to avoid unnecessary body-modification. I may not have many principles, but it doesn't feel like a wedding is an auspicious time to start throwing away my few remaining ones :)
Q. But, maybe now you're starting to feel you DO sincerely want to?
A. It feels less impossible than it did several years ago, mainly due to many Jewish people charmingly inviting me slowly into their lives and ceremonies, seeing many lovely aspects of Judaism (the food, the arguing...), and an increasing awareness that the whole objection to the "God" thing is not necessarily an obstacle. It feels more like being invited to join a culture than invited to reconsider a factual premise (although other people feel that differently) which is much more possible, it feels like someone I could be -- but still not like who I am.
Q. OK, so no Judaism. How about "love, honour and obey"
A. No way. Any obeying will be strictly for efficiency in a crisis, or because it's kinky :)
Q. What about other quirky wedding customs, like rings, awnings, fire, etc?
A. Quite probably :)
Q. What were your favourite responses?
A. Probably mum's, because she was so pleased. But "congratulations" is clearly still a definite winner. Although extra thanks to everyone who added "squeeeee!" or "mazel tov" or ":D :D :D" which were all lovely.
Q. If you do live together, will you merge book collections?
A. Possibly not even then. We will probably continue to maintain an exit strategy (if only in case our careers send us to different places), either of having books separate, or of having books clearly joint and clearly re-acquirable if necessary. Even if we were living together permanently, there are not that many duplicates: there are a few old favourites where we have to keep both copies, and a few one of us has bought more recently at the other's instigation, when there's small emotional impact to keeping a separate copy, or donating it.
Q. This isn't quite an engagement but question, but what did you get for Christmas/birthday?
A. Mum gave R and I a pile of board games between us, which I helped her pick out, but gave christmas morning that so-desirable "pile of giant boxes" look. R gave me a dressing gown and I gave her a scarf, both of which are incredibly fuzzly. R gave me an e-book reader, which I'd resisted for a while, but is already incredibly useful.
Q. And what did you think of Magicians, by Lev Grossman?
A. It was awesome. It succeeds in writing a modern, mostly-adult novel set a wizarding university with actually academic magic rather than "point and shoot", and around characters who are have realistic twenty-year-old ambitions, loves, and fuck-ups, rather than predictable thirteen-year-old cliches. And in being set after Harry Potter, Narnia, Earthsea, When the Magic Goes Away, etc, etc, have entered popular culture, but not in being overwhelmed by them, just an occasional mention -- and a silent answer to many tropes, by writing so much better what an ACTUAL magician's chess would be like, intricate and magic-based.
Q. And any flaws?
A. The big flaws are (a) the reimagining/referencing/reinterpreting of tropes in classic works, while almost never explicit sometimes stuck me as too blatant, though it could be just me. And (b) the characters mostly blunder from event to event, without any overarching drive to achieve anything particular (not even to graduate), which may be realistic for 20-year-olds, but I don't find as entertaining to read as characters who are DOING something, however simple.