how could you really know whether person B would BE better, or would just SEEM better from the outside but be equal/worse once in a relationship? .... (Unless your information is "my relationship with A is really negative and not worth trying to make good)
That's a very good point, and I think something I was groping towards. Indeed, you can probably tell "good prospect" from "not good prospect" but not typically be able to tell "we get on very well and like each other a lot" from "life partner" except statistically. Which is why a much bigger factor in the decision is whether you're predisposed to hope a new relationship is better, or the old relationship is better[1].
Although I don't think you can say you can NEVER tell.
[1] Another quirk that didn't quite make it into the post was the thought that making a commitment is not necessarily saying that no-one better will EVER come along, even though that's hard to say, but that you don't hope one will :)
if you are, you appear to be having them both, so you don't have this dilemma (until one or the other finds out ...)
It's true most people would never be able to develop the relationship to that point. Not even in secret, I think: most people put sufficient of their time into a relationship they physically CAN'T have two relationships and still have anything else. (Although if one's relationship is less involved I suppose you can.)
OTOH, if you have an (open acknowledged, or secret) second relationship, that starts taking up more and more of your time and attention, then you may hit the point where you're sure you'd like it to be something more, but that would conflict with your existing first relationship.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-05 11:39 pm (UTC)That's a very good point, and I think something I was groping towards. Indeed, you can probably tell "good prospect" from "not good prospect" but not typically be able to tell "we get on very well and like each other a lot" from "life partner" except statistically. Which is why a much bigger factor in the decision is whether you're predisposed to hope a new relationship is better, or the old relationship is better[1].
Although I don't think you can say you can NEVER tell.
[1] Another quirk that didn't quite make it into the post was the thought that making a commitment is not necessarily saying that no-one better will EVER come along, even though that's hard to say, but that you don't hope one will :)
if you are, you appear to be having them both, so you don't have this dilemma (until one or the other finds out ...)
It's true most people would never be able to develop the relationship to that point. Not even in secret, I think: most people put sufficient of their time into a relationship they physically CAN'T have two relationships and still have anything else. (Although if one's relationship is less involved I suppose you can.)
OTOH, if you have an (open acknowledged, or secret) second relationship, that starts taking up more and more of your time and attention, then you may hit the point where you're sure you'd like it to be something more, but that would conflict with your existing first relationship.