I think it's fine to split the legal ceremony from the big wedding (I did it myself!) but I think what you're doing is slightly different from the way that most people do it. Most people do it and still view the big wedding as the "real" wedding - they just couldn't, for logistical reasons, have the legal ceremony and the friends/family ceremony at the same time.
But what you're doing is slightly different from that because, on some level, you clearly do see the legal ceremony as the "real" one - you'd be counting it and not the friends/family ceremony the "real" one for wedding anniversary purposes. I think that confuses the issue - both for your guests (some of whom I would have thought will find it quite confusing (and potentially offensive) that you had a wedding that they were invited to but you count another date as your wedding anniversary) and for you as a couple. To expand a bit on how it might be confusing for you as a couple, if there are ceremonial aspects to the friends/family wedding that are really important to you, you as a couple have your emotions around getting married split between two ceremonies which I at least would have found strange.
I think more straightforward would be having the legal ceremony on the date that you want and having a celebration on a later date with friends and family that isn't a "wedding" or a "ceremony" but just a large party. That way, it's pretty clear what's the wedding and what's a celebration of the wedding.
But, at the end of the day, obviously it's what you both want that matters.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 08:55 am (UTC)But what you're doing is slightly different from that because, on some level, you clearly do see the legal ceremony as the "real" one - you'd be counting it and not the friends/family ceremony the "real" one for wedding anniversary purposes. I think that confuses the issue - both for your guests (some of whom I would have thought will find it quite confusing (and potentially offensive) that you had a wedding that they were invited to but you count another date as your wedding anniversary) and for you as a couple. To expand a bit on how it might be confusing for you as a couple, if there are ceremonial aspects to the friends/family wedding that are really important to you, you as a couple have your emotions around getting married split between two ceremonies which I at least would have found strange.
I think more straightforward would be having the legal ceremony on the date that you want and having a celebration on a later date with friends and family that isn't a "wedding" or a "ceremony" but just a large party. That way, it's pretty clear what's the wedding and what's a celebration of the wedding.
But, at the end of the day, obviously it's what you both want that matters.