The government of Elbonia decides to prohibit convicted criminals from voting. The Kneedonian minority feels it has been wrongly picked upon by the brutal and unaccountable police force for decades, with the result that a significantly larger proportion of Kneedonians than the majority Elbons have criminal records. The Elbons retort that the Kneedonians genuinely are more criminal, especially blaming their patellas — independent religious schools widely suspected of fomenting fundamentalist Kneedam.
When the government passes this law, rioting breaks out in several major cities and the police struggle to contain it. After a few months, it's clear the situation has become a civil war in all but name. Elbonia responds by cutting off electricity and telecoms to the breakaway republic of Kneedonia.
Now the Pelvonians decide this is unjust and resolve to intervene to help the Kneedonians. They condemn the cynics who point out that they rely on the Kneedonian asparagus crop for their national dish. They send drone aircraft to attack Elbonian troops in the conflict zone and manage to keep civilian casualties below 30%.
After five years and 300,000 deaths, with Amnesty International accusing both sides of war crimes, Brazil, the principal importer of Elbonian bismuth, persaudes the 93-year-old Elbonian President Gobshite to stand down. In the following election, the moderate Dr Git GitGit is elected and immediately holds a referendum in which Kneedonia is granted its independence.
In Kneedonia, there is rejoicing. However, in their first post-independence election the Kneedam party wins a landslide on a platform of enforcing traditional values. They impose a theocracy, outlaw other political parties, and cut off the asparagus supply to Pelvonia.
Then a Kneedam extremist, whose uncle once owned a shop in the capital of Kneedonia, assassinates Chancellor Merkel. All of a sudden, Germany notices the evil theocrats in Kneedonia, which they'd previously been studiously ignoring. They establish military bases in Pelvonia and invade in order to restore democracy. The Groini people from the Pelvonian marshlands then move into the power vacuum and occupy most of the adjacent marshland in Kneedonia, which they claim as an ancestral homeland. They promptly impose a 20% duty on asparagus transit through the marshes and demand reparations from Pelvonia for a perceived genocide against them in 1837.
The Pelvonians therefore start attacking the Groinis and the Kneedam fundamentalists support them. The Germans give up after ten years, fifty billion euros and two thousand combat deaths. Chancellor Bleer's name is now mud, especially as it eventually turned out that fundamentalist assassin had actually been radicalised half-way across the world in San Shitbag. The Germans stage a phased withdrawal.
Now what?
More importantly, which people acted wrongly at which stages in that narrative?
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Date: 2015-12-04 04:27 pm (UTC)The government of Elbonia decides to prohibit convicted criminals from voting. The Kneedonian minority feels it has been wrongly picked upon by the brutal and unaccountable police force for decades, with the result that a significantly larger proportion of Kneedonians than the majority Elbons have criminal records. The Elbons retort that the Kneedonians genuinely are more criminal, especially blaming their patellas — independent religious schools widely suspected of fomenting fundamentalist Kneedam.
When the government passes this law, rioting breaks out in several major cities and the police struggle to contain it. After a few months, it's clear the situation has become a civil war in all but name. Elbonia responds by cutting off electricity and telecoms to the breakaway republic of Kneedonia.
Now the Pelvonians decide this is unjust and resolve to intervene to help the Kneedonians. They condemn the cynics who point out that they rely on the Kneedonian asparagus crop for their national dish. They send drone aircraft to attack Elbonian troops in the conflict zone and manage to keep civilian casualties below 30%.
After five years and 300,000 deaths, with Amnesty International accusing both sides of war crimes, Brazil, the principal importer of Elbonian bismuth, persaudes the 93-year-old Elbonian President Gobshite to stand down. In the following election, the moderate Dr Git GitGit is elected and immediately holds a referendum in which Kneedonia is granted its independence.
In Kneedonia, there is rejoicing. However, in their first post-independence election the Kneedam party wins a landslide on a platform of enforcing traditional values. They impose a theocracy, outlaw other political parties, and cut off the asparagus supply to Pelvonia.
Then a Kneedam extremist, whose uncle once owned a shop in the capital of Kneedonia, assassinates Chancellor Merkel. All of a sudden, Germany notices the evil theocrats in Kneedonia, which they'd previously been studiously ignoring. They establish military bases in Pelvonia and invade in order to restore democracy. The Groini people from the Pelvonian marshlands then move into the power vacuum and occupy most of the adjacent marshland in Kneedonia, which they claim as an ancestral homeland. They promptly impose a 20% duty on asparagus transit through the marshes and demand reparations from Pelvonia for a perceived genocide against them in 1837.
The Pelvonians therefore start attacking the Groinis and the Kneedam fundamentalists support them. The Germans give up after ten years, fifty billion euros and two thousand combat deaths. Chancellor Bleer's name is now mud, especially as it eventually turned out that fundamentalist assassin had actually been radicalised half-way across the world in San Shitbag. The Germans stage a phased withdrawal.
Now what?
More importantly, which people acted wrongly at which stages in that narrative?