Getting temporarily obsessed by something

[jack]

Every so often I get temporarily obsessed by something. This month it's stellaris -- the first bit when I'm still learning all the game I'm always like "must learn more, learn faster, impatient to try things out, must micromanage everything perfectly". Maybe someone else would have ran the game a bit faster :)

A few months ago it was factorio. Sometimes it's a project of my own instead of something I'm only consuming, a programming project or planning a roleplaying game.

It's good to have something I'm really excited about. Even if it's not always something productive, it's good to have experienced the things.

It's a bit of a balancing act, because overall it makes me feel fairly good, but it does mean I lose some attention for keeping on top of things I need to do. But that also happens when I feel a bit meh and undermotivated, so I think I need to accept my enthusiasm naturally comes in spurts, but I need to manage the pendulum and take advantage of the highs, lows, and middles according to what they help most with.

But I'm always really cautious, I feel like the right kind of addictive thing I could get into and suck up ALL my time playing something or whatever it was. And I probably shouldn't be *that* worried, because it usually runs its course in less than a month, and I can notice if it starts to be a problem.

But partly, I don't like losing control of my decisions, when I think "ok, I'll go to bed early" and then, oops... I feel nervous about not being in control. And partly my head is full of stereotypes about men who play computer games 24 hours a day and neglect relationships with people outside the game. And I don't think that's *likely* to be me, but I'm always embarrassed to admit I'm super into something, in case it's something that looks ridiculous -- even though in general I think being enthusiastic about things is good and I avoid judging hobbies unless there's something actually bad about them.

I'm also aware that it sort of complements my usually being *insufficiently* into something.

And also always wondering, can I get things to align better so I can sometimes get that excited about something which is actually achieving something.

Comments

[ceb]

I don't have a lot to add, but I recognise all this in myself.

[ewt]

I don't like losing control of my decisions, when I think "ok, I'll go to bed early" and then, oops... I feel nervous about not being in control. And partly my head is full of stereotypes about men who play computer games 24 hours a day and neglect relationships with people outside the game. And I don't think that's *likely* to be me, but [etc]

I wonder if setting up some structures and sticking to them would help you worry about this less? Like, maybe you normally go to bed at 10.30 or 11pm and you want to stay up late playing a nifty game, okay, fine -- but set a limit on the total number of should-be-asleep hours per week you spend on it, so the rule is you can stay up until 4am one night or until midnight on a few nights but not 4am every night. Maybe if you notice yourself not spending time with people you care about, you can set some guidelines about how much time you think you should be spending with them. And then when you worry about whether X or Y or Z is taking over your life and your decisions, you can say "But actually, I'm still holding down a job, and seeing people I want to see, and getting enough sleep most nights -- that's all pretty reasonable".

(I regularly play Ingress on walks with hairyears, but not during Date Night, when our focus is more with each other. It isn't onerous and it doesn't negatively impact my engagement with the game, it just feels like a really good rule to have in place.)

I have no idea about the being worried about looking ridiculous aspect of it, I'm afraid.

[rysmiel]

I am prone to getting sucked into things somewhat like that too, but without a conscious effort I don't find they ever entirely go away; I seem to get sucked back into trying to make my big ultimate Civ III mod work for a couple of weeks about once a year and have for ages. (That's becoming harder to dip into now that it takes several hours to get to a point of testing anything excitingly new.) And pacing this sensibly to get reasonable amounts of sleep and so on is kind of additionally awkward with trying to adjust to a relatively new job, which is supposed to be moving downtown (which would entail a different and probably slightly longer commute) at some indeterminate point between last month and August. I appear to be getting better at balancing that not to consume me entirely, part of which is just being enough older not to be able to stay sitting in one position for as long, or awake very late, and part of which is also a similar sort of conceptual judo to "getting a productive thing done by finding something even more productive I can convince myself I am procrastinating from" only in reverse.

For what it's worth, I enjoy reading about your enthusiasms. *hug*

[jack]

*hugs* It's sort of reassuring to know that other people feel the same and manage to do cool stuff.

[jack]

I wonder if setting up some structures and sticking to them would help you worry about this less?

I think that's probably sensible. I need to experiment to find what actually works (having someone else involved makes it a lot easier for me to stick to my plan which I feel shouldn't be necessary but does help a lot).

[jack]

Thank you *hugs*

[andrewducker]

"can I get things to align better so I can sometimes get that excited about something which is actually achieving something"

IT IS OK TO DO THINGS JUST FOR FUN.

Trying to make everything in your life meaningful is a recipe for burnout and mental health issues.

[jack]

Yes! Excellent response. I think I need to get this engraved on my brain! :)

I have slowly been putting fun stuff/self care more and more emphatically on my todo list, to the point of almost "feel good about myself, trust other things to just happen[1]"

[1] I mean, because my brain, while not great, does have some executive function which improves with mood; I know some people's don't.