jack

I went open water swimming! It was incredibly nice.

I cycled down to Grantchester meadows again, in swimming trunks and t-shirt I could whip off, and walked along to one of the new slips. I just walked right in, the water is so warm I barely needed any acclimitisation at all, it was so nice in the water I found it hard to leave.

I was bold and tried swimming from that slip up to the top of the meadows where Grantchester starts, and walked back, and it went sufficiently well that I then swam down to the *other* slip and walked back from that as well.

I wasn't sure about swimming along: most of the way it wouldn't be easy to get out, so even though it wasn't far, I was committed. And the bottom of the river is inconsistent: some places it's easy to stand up, some places it's deep mud, some places it's deep, and some places it's rather overgrown with ominously grasping plants with big leaves. But I knew that I could swim a fair distance in a managed pool, and in fact it was totally fine. Even a couple of field lengths felt a long way when you didn't quite know what to expect, but it was really satisfying.

It was about 500m between the two swims, which was short compared to what I normally do, but doing it all continuously was harder work too.

It turns out, when you're swimming outside, that breaks the magical barrier of talking to strangers, and also makes you look like like a really interesting person! A few people spoke to me, including four who'd brought a little table, table cloth, and little teaparty.

And I got talking to two: One, an engine driver who was out with his canoe (not on strike, on holiday), who attracted a set of ducks onto his canoe. One a retail worker from Duxford who'd come to swim and sunbathe in Grantchester for the day and helped me re-sunscreen after swimming.

I felt incredibly refreshed for a couple of hours not needing to do a lot of things.

I remembered the temporary ban on swimming, and I'm really glad there seems to have been some sort of compromise which makes it actually easier.

And I also keep meaning to tempt other people to come swim with me, but it's almost always something I do at short notice so it's hard to arrange.

Trying to expand my cycling as a source of serious exercise while I avoid running and maybe even long walks until I'm confident my knees are ok, yesterday I aimed for a 40 miles cycle, the longest ever for me.

I made a loop up to Huntingdon parallel to the A14, then back through St Ives and the busway.

I start off along King's Hedges Road, then along the heavily fenced cycle path between Histon Rd and Huntingdon Rd. Then dodge up to Girton, and slip out the bottom end onto the cycle path which runs parallel to the A14 all the way to Fenstanton. That path is the opposite of some -- well paved, lots of space, but not especially nice scenery. But because it's easy to just GO, it's quite a nice way to start. And I like seeing the random bits of untended scrubland around.

That passes Bar Hill and Cambridge Services if you need a stop, although I didn't.

Through Fenstanton, then onto a passable A-road (or narrow on-pavement path if you prefer) round to Hemingford Grey. Now we reach villages just off the Ouse, oozing picturesque. I stopped on a bench here for lunch. Then along to Hemingford Abbots which is equally picturesque but with much bigger houses.

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The Thicket: 13/10, perfect place.
St Ives: 9/10, nice place, easy to cycle, only occasional cars
Busway: 10/10, easy cycling, familiar, passes through nice places, WCs conveniently at Northstowe

Retrospective:

It was a nice day. I'd previously done 30+ miles and felt like I could do more if I just stayed out a little bit longer so I was fairly sure 40 miles would be ok, but I also felt like Huntingdon was a long way away and perhaps I was kidding myself. But it was about right: enough to push me a bit, but not enough to end up with a long painful slog home in the dusk. Hopefully I will keep it up.

I'm used enough to following the routes I didn't have much worry whether I'd find my way through. National Cycle Route 51 which I've followed E of Cambridge also comes this way, up the busway, and then at St Ives cutting across a bridge to join the route I took through Hemingfords and the signs were often helpful.

I feel achy today but in a mostly good way, my knees aren't sure but don't seem to have got worse.

I stopped at a lot of nice places for a bit of a read, if anything I want to make sure to keep that up, maybe even fit in more of it. I found a lot of nice places on the way.

I'm still not going very actually fast, but faster than I used to. I guess I hadn't dived into proper cycling gear, and I still have panniers for lunch and jumper etc, so I'm not as efficient as I could be, although at least my new bike is better for this than my old bike.

Half way down the stairs is the box where I fit
There isn't any other box QUITE like it
If I'm not in box A, and I'm not in box B
Then when will I find just right the box for me?
The box that I fit
It isn't quite normal
It isn't quite weird
It isn't quite straight
And it isn't quite queered
But all sorts of funny thoughts run around in my head
And I don't fit in your box, I fit in my box instead

I wrote a poem! Adapted from A. A. Milne's "Halfway down the stairs is the stair where I sit"

It came out in a burst, trying to capture the feeling of finding the box where YOU fit, and not feeling like you just don't fit anywhere anymore. In this case, for potentially getting a diagnosis of ADHD (or autism).

As often happens, a friend with experience with ADHD linked me to a quiz inspired by diagnostic questions. One question was "Do you often have difficulty completing tasks because of your own emotions" (or something like that) and I was like YES that's my entire personality. (Exaggerated for effect, that's not my only personality but it is defining a lot of my characteristic experiences.)

Another was "do you tend to give up on tasks that you find hard or confusing" and... yeah, that. Not intellectual things! But "no-one tells you what to do" things

To cut a long quiz short, I had medium levels of forgetfulness and inattention, low levels of impulsivity and forgetfulness, no developmental delays, but maxed out "Emotional Dysregulation" and "Inflexibility". So not classical ADHD but I DO fail to do things: https://www.idrlabs.com/adhd-spectrum/65-45-70-25-100-90-40/result.php

Aside

Obviously those are based on my quiz answers. Lots of the questions I yelled "COMPARED TO WHO?" and I wasn't being contrary -- genuinely the thing I want to know is, given my awareness of my own level of eg coping strategies for being late, is that typical, or high, or low?

I wasn't born knowing how much average people struggle with things! And even if you ask most people can't tell you! So went with best guesses. But assuming the "YES THAT'S ME" questions and the "I guess I do have coping strategies there" q I placed ok results prob mostly right

Continuation

My friend recommended the video "Why is it so hard to do something that should be so easy" by "How to ADHD" BY Jessica McCabe about adhd style emotional dysregulation and "climbing the wall of awful" and strategies that don't work. Short and v watchable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=Uo08uS904Rg

I don't want to be premature but that seemed to unlock answers to a lot of questions. I have a lot of friends with similar but different struggles and I seemed to fit in with them but some of my classic experiences didn't fit them and vice versa, so I didn't have a box for me

I like being in literal boxes, and I like being in metaphorical boxes when they're the right shape, but not when they're not. But this seemed right for me. Knowing seemed to help, even in a few days. And gives me an action plan. See how much knowing the things I need to watch fixes them. Possibly diagnosis helps. Possibly medicine helps.

I've no idea why I'm apparently early in the queue, if my GP just had a surplus of slots, or if it's based on my weight, or something else.

But I've been saying for months not to quibble, just take what's offered, so I must just take my own medicine. On Saturday! In Barnwell.

I'll be able to do things again. At some point. Very eventually. But maybe I'll feel it's responsible to do SOME more things before that, given our current high level of caution. But eventually, public face licking parties! :)

Many condolences to people who have come up unlucky in the queue, especially people who were more vulnerable to start with. That's a lot about the national situation that should have been different. But it's still nice to celebrate some victories whether or not the best victories

I've almost forgotten how to be excited by things. I'm trying to consciously remind myself. I can't have a party (yet), but I used all caps. Non-ironically!!

Go me! Go me!

Alpacaoids at Coton!

Went for a muddy walk :) Think I went that way decades ago when it was a footpath behind the CMS, before a lot of the nice path was put in.

I cycled to West Cambridge site and walked along the cycle path bridge to Coton, dodging road works.

Near Coton church, looking very lively


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Birthday party tomorrow (Sat) evening (c.f. https://jack.dreamwidth.org/1128589.html)

There are a variety of 'rooms' present as zoom breakout rooms, discord channels, and pages in a google sheet.

Zoom link: [see locked post] (online from this evening)
Discord link: [see locked post] (feel free to comment now)
Sheets link: [see locked post] (feel free to post pictures now)

I will make the rooms in a hurry tomorrow, but expect "hang out and chat" but maybe also "post pictures of yourself dressed up", "no politics chat", "the bar area", "hi I don't know anyone", "anyone for games?" etc. Some will be more active in video, some on text and spreadsheet. Feel free to look by earlier, drop in briefly, or hang out all evening.

If you've never used zoom before, you may want to make sure you have it ready (using desktop client, web interface, or mobile app). It's pretty straightforward but the user interface can be weird. If you installed the desktop client six months ago, you may want to download the latest version (5.3 or later).

If you've never used discord before you should be able to use it in the desktop app, desktop web browser, or mobile browser, and use the link to join my server, but you may want to check the link works.

What happened in 2020? Well, eliding a bunch of pandemic stuff I could swear about for tens of thousands of words:

1. We had dinner at Midsummer House for our anniversary. We'd never been sure if it was quite worth it for vegetarians, but when we did it was very very very nice.

Also we got ourselves a breadmaker, which has been extremely useful all year. We really love having fresh bread on tap.

2. I started a new job at the beginning of the year, and pandemic has made everything kind of tiring and given other ups and downs, but overall it's gone very well.

3. I finished running an 18-month long rolelaying campaign, in the fabled Under-Labyrinth I invented, using DnD 5e rules. I also ran an adventure for our partners and their children set in a village on the back of one of the turtles in a big school-archipelago, where they're mentors to a young small island-turtle. And I ran a one-off for some friends from the ex-heffers rpg group.

I also played in a Descent into Avernus game (dnd 5e goes to mad max hell) run by one of the players from the campaign I was running. And one in a Mediterranean medieval faerie tale world run by an old friend from the Cambridge tolkien society. And one in a giant 3d magicpunk city ran by a nanowrimo friend.

4. I kept organising the Cambridge Poly Meet. It was really hard to keep the group going through lockdown. There's a lot I wished I could have done but didn't manage because my attention was elsewhere. But I kept it going.

5. I kept playing semi-regular bridge with Cambridge and London friends online (and also with other friends, partners, and Rachel's family). Spent a year playing Gloomhaven with Rachel and sometimes other partners. Intermittently returned to a long-running Stellaris game. Played a lot of Fortnite with partners' children and with Rachel. Played Penultima with SGO friends. Lots of so-pretty Hades. Steamworld Dig and other games on the new Switch. Other board games.

TBC.

Cherry Blossom portrait!

I really love how this one turned out, I'm proud of it. The layered leaf effects on the tree look amazing. I like the background too, although I wish I could get it as realistic as the tree with a similar amount of stylisation.

Leather chair

I like the style, I aimed for something I could use for a lightly-stylised style for board game design for "assassins guild annual dinner" game or games with a similar tone, and I think that worked well

Next time I could do shadows better, but this has a good feel

Other art

The other drawings I've been posting this month are on twitter: https://twitter.com/CartesianDaemon/media (scroll back to see pictures this month, most are uploaded drawings) and facebook: https://twitter.com/CartesianDaemon/media I love the dinosaur sunset one, but the sketch garden, the basking coo, and the swirly blue ghost are worth looking at too.

How much have other people been socialising in person?

Now I consider it fairly safe, who else wants to come visit on our patio furniture for an hour or so (with optional masks and optional drinks)?