jack

1) What are you wearing right now?

Answering for yesterday, black T-shirt with small astronaut carrying a string of planets floating like balloons down the side, which was new yesterday. See: https://img.ltwebstatic.com/images3_pi/2022/06/28/1656392751d37bde3e5d9b53fafacb1a3d20c344c3.webp

I made an effort to branch out from "plain black tshirts" and "black tshirts with slogans on" to find something that would fill the same niche of being convenient and suitable for most of my day to day without a lot of thought, but also look "well put together" in a way I find hard to describe. So T-shirts with more artistic but less sprawling designs were my thought, including some with more "decoration" than "logo".

Also jogging bottoms which are my go-to for sitting around the house.

2) What would you rather be wearing right now?

That was exactly what I wanted!

In general, it would be nice to wear nicer looking clothes without needing too much effort in it. I suppose that's always a trade-off.

3) What is your favorite outfit of clothing that you currently own and wear?

I'm not sure. The black t-shirt with the colourful dice (present from Mx 13) is one that always makes me happy.

I really like wearing a suit occasionally, but haven't actually done for a while, I'm not sure I have one that fits any more.

I really liked the fedora hat. It suited so many different situations. But eventually I lost it, and fedoras got a reputation as beloved of creepy internet guys so I shied away from getting another the same.

4) What is your favorite outfit of clothing that you have ever worn?

The most lovely is my wedding suit. It was an AMAZING garment: blue frock coat, blue brocade waistcoat with black and gold lining. Unfortunately, I was very busy with organising wedding and didn't quite know what I wanted, so although the overall outfit is amazing, it wasn't easy to wear in other situations, and my weight has gone down and up several times since then, so I've not found occasions to wear it as I'd hoped. Possibly I could get it adapted now, since I would still really like to.

5) What was the last new or new-to-you garment you bought or acquired?

That T-shirt, plus several others.

Also some shoelaces I sought something black but with a purple highlight, and found something similar but not quite, so I think I'll end up with black laces on my day to day black shoes, but coloured laces on my trainers. And a couple of "pull tight" toggles of different designs, I want to see if it's more convenient than tying.

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1. What kind of bugs do you see outside this time of year?

I really don't pay enough attention to recognise what comes out when. But I have enjoyed seeing more butterflies around generally, either because of more meadows nearby, or me paying more attention, or a recovery in populations. It's lovely to see them flitting around the garden. And others too, but I can't remember what.

2. What's your favorite food to eat outside?

Anything, in a way -- I quite like eating at an outside table even when conditions are perfect.

But specific outside food, I guess that mostly means picnic food: nice, fresh, sandwiches, nice crisps, veg, maybe dips, cold refreshing drinks. Especially after a trek. Or BBQ. Or spontaneous ice-cream.

3. How much rain is too much rain?

A light rain, I'll happily just accept, since I started carrying a baseball cap, and not wearing clothes pristine enough for it to make a difference. A torrential (for england) downpour is nice if you can watch from safety. It's not as much, how heavy, as when it goes on for too long

4. What are you celebrating this month?

My belated birthday celebration. Maybe making progress on healthcare admin. Getting some plans into place at work. Regular outside swimming. Improved productivity techniques. I need to do some more FUN things though.

What superstitions do you have?

I don't actually believe any supernatural things. I do have a certain amount of habits that could be superstition, like not jinxing an outcome by saying it's certain before it's been confirmed.

And I guess, some habits that just make me feel good, like running a set of tests several times, just to feel the reassurance that they're all passing. Or if a new test passes first time, deliberately breaking the code just to make sure the test exists.

What is your favorite pen to write with and why?

I don't have a special special pen that I always like to use, but I like having a plentiful supply of medium to good quality ballpoints so I can always rely on having a decent non-flaky pen when I want to write anything. Getting rid of miscellaneous doubtful pens and keeping a supply of ones I like using has made me feel more comfortable in my life.

In fact, that might be a trend with me. I tend to rarely have special things, perhaps from dislike that they will only last so long, or might get ruined. But I appreciate treating myself to a good baseline by having good ish things as a standard.

https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/91909.html

Favourite game

Why are you doing this to me? How am I supposed to choose? Many many board games come in and out of favour. Steamworks. Scythe. Gloomhaven. Dnd? Or roleplaying in general? Or if that's too broad something else with infinite replay value like bridge?

Earliest memory

I'm not sure. I think, almost my only memory of the house I was born in was lying in bed one night, and noticing the shapes of things in my room looked like hungry wolves. It felt like a scary thing, but also wasn't VERY scary like I knew it was nervous-making but wasn't actually dangerous. Can't remember much more about it though, the edges of the memory have worn away.

If you could have one wish fulfilled, what would it be?

Again, I have no idea. There's no one big thing missing in my life. I guess another romantic partner I get on as well with as I do with Liv would be a big upgrade? But I wouldn't feel my life was shortchanged without it.

Achieving something... notable in my life? Is that the sort of thing you can wish for, when you want to *achieve* it?

Go back in time and have teenage-me have the confidence to try things and not just watch life unfold? But then I think I'd be an entirely different person.

Or if it doesn't have to be me personally there's a lot of "fix the world" wishes, depending which one looks best.

Have you ever lost something that is important to you? Were you able to find it?

Nothing that felt truly heart-wrenching. My engagement ring seems to be lost somewhere, very hopefully in the house somewhere. But we explicitly said, if we lose them one day, we can buy a new one we love in a similar way and not feel tie the emotions to the first one alone.

I often get really angsty when I lose anything just because i feel out of control, like when I mistakenly put a book down somewhere and forgot it. But most were not vital.

I've lost computer files and similar. But I've generally adjusted fine to not having them. Not having the original flash source for my old winnie-the-pooh game has been a little sad but not really a big deal in the end.

Would you rather go scuba diving or rock climbing? Why?

Floating sounds more blissful. But sound fun and beautiful. And are things I know friends get a lot from. But I admit, I COULD arrange to do either! But I just kind of shy away worried about the faff of actually doing it.

https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/90602.html

1. Do you think you are treated differently because you are a man or woman?

Obviously lots. I think you know what I think, and the same for the next two questions.

I find it really strange imagining what woman-Jack might be like. I don't know how much that's my own conception of gender, and how much it's just that even if I'm the same, SO MUCH about how society treats you is different.

Although ironically, I think some of the things I have problems with, like being taken seriously, are things often made problems for women. Except people didn't just look at me and treat me like that, it's how I act, when many people have the same problem however they act.

4. Do you think women should take men's last names when they marry? Why or why not?

I think everyone should have the choice to do what they want with their name. I think trying to mandate anything doesn't help.

I think if you're going to have children, the real question is "what surname do the children have" because you have to choose a single name per child and double-barrelling only postpones the problem. And then one or both parents choose to change their name to match or not.

There's a benefit in everyone having one name, for simplicity, and showing a genuine commitment to the family as a long term thing. But since there's enough families that aren't "two opposite sex parents, and some children", I think society will just eventually have to get used to that not being the case, and then everyone can do what they like.

I think the only stable solution is something like, "every parents choose which surname they prefer". I think trying to stick to a system will just not work.

But in answer to the question, the old status quo of "the man doesn't change his surname, the woman does, and we've never heard of any other combination of genders" is -- obviously -- sexist, and damaging, even if it works out ok for many individual couples.

5. Do you think a woman will be President of the United States in the near future?

Under the circumstances I really freaking hope so! Anything other than Trump is needed so urgently :( But I don't know how likely it is. It feels like we have enough creditable non-male primary candidates that it will happen sooner or later. But I don't know if there's anyone who will get there this election or the one after. Warren is getting more popular, but I find it hard to believe anyone with detailed proposals and a commitment to changing worrying trends will actually get anywhere :(

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1. What is one of your favorite things about your country?

Oh! Um. Temperate weather. NHS, obviously. Countryside. Never being more than a few hours drive from the sea. Vegetarian food (it seems strange to praise British cuisine, but you should see everywhere else). A nation heavy with people who also find socialising just a little embarrassing :)

2. What is your favorite thing to do on your country's national holiday?

Ooh. No. No, no, no. No-one sensible wants to see British patriotism again. We don't have a holiday, the closest in England is St George's day (which is still pretty suspicious). Or "whenever England are playing in the [soccer] world cup".

3. What do you usually do for your country's national holiday?

See above. But if there were one, it would probably be mostly like another bank holiday, so, enjoy sunshine if appropriate, have an extra day of weekend, maybe have some beer?

4. What is your favorite national/regional ethnic dish?

Probably fish and chips. Or "chip shop chips", since I don't eat fish. I know that's not exclusive to this country, but it still seems quite quintessential, and is one I really appreciate.

5. Who is your favorite national hero and why?

Oh gosh, there are so many favourite Britons, but how many could I still bear to be associated with. Maybe Newton, because how many countries have a maths-themed hero?

And I have a soft spot for the retro personification of Britain (or varyingly, England), John Bull, mostly just because hes's a bit less well known now. But I find it sort of endearing that people saw themselves represented by someone bluff, strong, stubborn, maybe a bit bull-headed, down-to-earth, maybe a bit stupid. It's like, "What do you want to be seen as? Well, ok, I'll accept stupid but never let it be said I listen to reason,"

Which, well, may cause as many problems. But is very far from the dainty, effete stereotype I periodically see applied to this country. Apparently he's shown up in some "each nation characterised by a giant fighting robot" anime.

https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/86756.html

I've joked before that I have more private things in online accounts than in physical post. By default I don't share passwords with anyone, because things like email have things in that are private even if not secret. There's lots of things that I wouldn't share even with a partner by default.

My diary, because I keep it in a text file, and you can use my email to unlock most of my other accounts. Maybe it would be better if I had separate email accounts for "communication" and "account management" but I haven't set that up. If someone else talks to me in confidence about their life, that's *their* privacy, I don't automatically share it. I think it's normal that however close a relationship, you have the ability to talk *about* that relationship with someone else (a friend, a parent, a therapist, whatever) without that communication automatically being open. And because we're poly, there might be intimate conversations with someone else, that aren't secret, but aren't automatically including extra people either.

I don't mind someone looking over my shoulder usually because there's usually nothing private, just like I usually don't mind if someone I'm close to sees my post. But I don't want to automatically let someone read ALL of my email or ALL of my post.

As for other passwords, I don't care too much, I'm generally happy to share them with anyone I trust, although I don't too often because it's easy to forget that some account isn't as private as I thought it was. If I have an account which is more for the household than just me, there's often no way to have multiple separate people have separate logins to the same account, so I'd rather share that than not.

But I still get a weird feeling about it. I do instinctively separate "shared-ish" accounts and actually personal accounts, like at some places I've worked there's accounts with deliberately weak passwords on servers and suchlike. And my work network/email account is only mine, but I don't treat it as *private*, I wouldn't use a password I wasn't comfortable sharing at work if I needed to for instance.

We set up the shared laptop with a passwordless login we could both use for watching media and similar,

And one question is my phone. I really don't like sharing my phone with other adults because it has access to everything. But it's unavoidable sharing it with the children when we want to play games together.

I wish there were better security practices for sharing things, other than all or nothing, like being able to share read-only access to current email without the rest of the email account, for partners in an emergency. Or if (legally or illegally) law enforcement or someone insists on access, there's no valid reason they should automatically have the right to impersonate you and destroy your financial/personal/online life, even if they require the ability to READ everything of yours.

https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/86756.html

BROADCAST LISTENING

Which art? Listening to radio type things? Then probably, there's just so many forms of media around, it's unlikely the same ones would remain equally big. And easier to be distracted when I always have a phone around.

Although podcasts are getting really big for various reasons, so stuff usually comes back round.

I think there's a wider point. I think having more choices possible is usually better, almost by definition, because the more there are, the more the chance there's one that fits what you need best. But there's significant problems with having choices *equally* available, as anyone's who's used a search engine knows: having three relevant results is so much better than hundreds of maybe useful maybe not results.

Is "having more forms of entertainment" good or bad? I think both, that's usually going to be good. Think of all those niche podcasts which would never have existed twenty years ago. Isn't that awesome? But there are some drawbacks. Like, what's the chance that, just by chance, technological limitations would have positive societal effects? I mean, if you said, "here's two societies, one can listen to any entertainment, the other has a choice of five options. Which population gets better skills from this?" you'd say, well, probably the one with more choice, but there's probably SOME exceptions that are better in 1950s-ville.

Not having anything to distract you is good for some people and bad for other people. That seems like a bad basis to prefer it on a societal level, when you CAN have other solutions (have a special device that only has five channels for people who want one, ban things that seem genuinely bad). So it's not ALL good, but I think "wouldn't things be better like they used to be" is much more often "I hate change" or "here's one or two things it would be good if we made an effort to keep alive" than a genuine observation that it would be desirable to put technological progress back in the bottle.

INTERPERSONAL LISTENING

Funnily enough, my reaction is similar. I think it's likely there are obstacles to interpersonal listening similar to those of broadcast listening. But it also just sounds like a "kids these days" lament, when people always complain about kids these days being insufficiently respectful, but probably, they're much the same as people-younger-than-the-speaker any time in the past.

https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/86197.html

1. What size (twin, full, etc.) is your bed?

They keep changing the terminology, I think it was the size about double, but not the biggest size?

2. How many pillows do you sleep with?

At some point I started needing more pillow, so I typically have one really thick pillow or two pillows.

3. Do you have a weighted blanket? If so, does it help you?

I don't think I've ever wanted a heavier blanket, I feel constrained by beds which are tucked in all the way round. What I would like is a cover with the heavyness of a normal duvet, but only a single top sheet worth of insulation, because I find a thinner cover really annoying, but a duvet can be too insulating when it's hot weather. But I've not got round to seeking such a thing.

4. Do you sleep with any stuffed animals?

No. I've kept a variety, but I've never been inclined to cuddle anything other than partners or bedding.

5. Do you have to have the TV on to go to sleep?

I think having something quiet to occupy my mind in an idle way would help, but almost anything I try ends up drawing my attention too much and I end up either distracted by it or paying full attention to it.

https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/85706.html

1. Do you remember when you were first addressed as sir or ma'am?

Not at all. I'd expect 'sir' from people like police or airport security, so I've definitely experienced it but it's not a default form of address for me (or I assume, other people in the UK). I don't remember every being ma'am'ed.

I do remember someone saying to her young child, can you let the "gentleman" (or possibly just "man") past, that was an occasion when I was clearly referred to as an adult. But I was over 30, it clearly just didn't come up that much. I'm not sure what the equivalent "being addresses as an adult" would be, though I assume it would have happened in my late teens.

I still have great difficulty *expecting* to be treated as an adult, even though I'm past mid-thirties, I feel like I still expect other people to tell me I'm wrong.

2. Do you remember when you first realized the difference between being childish and childlike?

I don't think I ever thought about it till just now, although I used both terms sometimes. Now I'm not sure. Is it just that "childish" is "like a child in a negative way" and "childlike" is "like a child" neutrally? I can definitely point to specific behaviours I think of both ways, like over-emotional responses to being denied something vs being amazed by things, but I'm not sure what generalisation to draw.

3. Do you remember the first time you realized you were more adult than child?

Oh gosh. I still don't feel very certain of it. Probably the first time I went away without my parents, or went out and about without my parents, felt grown up.

Or later, when I got to know 20-year-olds and realised that some time as an adult had taught me basic life skills, book-keeping, housework, social competence, that even though I didn't feel at all capable of running my life, I was a lot further forward in "if you had to pick someone to be in charge in this situation, would it be you" than I'd realised.

4. Do you remember your first taste of major independence?

See above -- I remember some landmarks, but I was so quiet as a child I was never *eager* to achieve major landmarks the way many people are. I guess times I remember, first time walking literally anywhere without my parents, first time walking home from school by myself[1], first time sleeping away from home, first time living away from home. Oh, and driving and going places by myself, I remember that being quite interesting.

[1] I know everyone knows this already, but my experience was it being some time during primary school, and by secondary school that being what everyone did, and I'm annoyed that society has started trusting children so much less, I think you can have the safety improvements without that.

5. Do you remember what you bought with your first paycheck?

I am really fortunate, but in ways that make this question quite boring: I didn't really know what I wanted, so I fell into habits and rarely let myself really want something, so I had all the basics of food etc, but rarely sought out other things. So I didn't have the drive or necessity to get a teenage job like most people did, and when I did get some jobs[1], the money just stayed in savings and there wasn't anything I was desperate to buy with it. It took me years to learn when it *was* sensible to spend money, even though on necessities I was fortunate enough to just be able to spend the money without worrying if there was enough.

[1] In retrospect, I should think of those as fairly successful experiences. I don't think I achieved anything worthwhile, which made me tend to discount them, but now I think I pretty much had to experience some big projects without decisively successful outcomes as a learning experience, and getting through that was progress, not a mistake.