ADHD emotional dysregulation

[jack]

As often happens, a friend with experience with ADHD linked me to a quiz inspired by diagnostic questions. One question was "Do you often have difficulty completing tasks because of your own emotions" (or something like that) and I was like YES that's my entire personality. (Exaggerated for effect, that's not my only personality but it is defining a lot of my characteristic experiences.)

Another was "do you tend to give up on tasks that you find hard or confusing" and... yeah, that. Not intellectual things! But "no-one tells you what to do" things

To cut a long quiz short, I had medium levels of forgetfulness and inattention, low levels of impulsivity and forgetfulness, no developmental delays, but maxed out "Emotional Dysregulation" and "Inflexibility". So not classical ADHD but I DO fail to do things: https://www.idrlabs.com/adhd-spectrum/65-45-70-25-100-90-40/result.php

Aside

Obviously those are based on my quiz answers. Lots of the questions I yelled "COMPARED TO WHO?" and I wasn't being contrary -- genuinely the thing I want to know is, given my awareness of my own level of eg coping strategies for being late, is that typical, or high, or low?

I wasn't born knowing how much average people struggle with things! And even if you ask most people can't tell you! So went with best guesses. But assuming the "YES THAT'S ME" questions and the "I guess I do have coping strategies there" q I placed ok results prob mostly right

Continuation

My friend recommended the video "Why is it so hard to do something that should be so easy" by "How to ADHD" BY Jessica McCabe about adhd style emotional dysregulation and "climbing the wall of awful" and strategies that don't work. Short and v watchable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=Uo08uS904Rg

I don't want to be premature but that seemed to unlock answers to a lot of questions. I have a lot of friends with similar but different struggles and I seemed to fit in with them but some of my classic experiences didn't fit them and vice versa, so I didn't have a box for me

I like being in literal boxes, and I like being in metaphorical boxes when they're the right shape, but not when they're not. But this seemed right for me. Knowing seemed to help, even in a few days. And gives me an action plan. See how much knowing the things I need to watch fixes them. Possibly diagnosis helps. Possibly medicine helps.

Comments

[jack]

I guess, if I had talked to a doctor earlier they might have been able to put these pieces together a lot earlier. But they might also have put me in the wrong box which might not have helped, given I don't have as much inattention and hyperactivity, but do emotion something

Some classic adhd coping strategies helped me in the past. But a lot didn't seem relevant. So the advice that would have helped was not about not forgetting things or getting distracted, but basically "if it doesn't work out ideally it as you expect, worry way less than you do"

I don't know if the emotional dysregulation thing I described (roughly experiencing an exaggerated sense of any negative feedback, including multiplication based on people's emotions) is what people mean by "rejection sensitive dysphoria". I didn't think so before, but's similar?

[jack]

I don't know if the emotional dysregulation thing I described (roughly experiencing an exaggerated sense of any negative feedback, including multiplication based on people's emotions) is what people mean by "rejection sensitive dysphoria". I didn't think so before, but's similar?

[silveradept]

I found René Brown's Black Girl, Lost Keys post on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria helpful for trying to describe what the conditions of RSD might look like.

[jack]

Oh thank you, that is really interesting!!

I didn't find the one-sentence description very resonant, but the list of possible symptoms

• Fear of failure
  
• Avoiding trying new activities for fear of being no good at them
  
• People-pleasing to avoid criticism
  
• Rage when experiencing criticism or rejection
  
• Extreme emotions when you experience rejection or criticism
  
• Shyness
  
• Isolation from people to avoid rejection
  
• Intense depression or thoughts of self-harm that disappear as quickly as they came
  
• Fear of disappointing the people you love or letting them down

did have a lot that sound very familiar, even though I hadn't quite thought of them that way. E.g, I didn't describe myself as people-pleasing, but some things I do might well be described that way... E.g. I always direct my anger at myself and shield anyone else, but I don't succeed :( Or a lot of the fear of failure I attributed to having had a very inconsistent track record, and being nervous because of that. But maybe it exists separately.

Avoiding trying things is also yeah something. Depression and strong negative thoughts that don't last, yeah, I had that as a "it's not exactly depression, but what is it". I don't think of myself as isolating from people, but I guess I often default to assuming that people may not want to hear from me if I don't know.

[silveradept]

RSD is often co-morbid with other things, as ADHD Twitter tells me, so since of the things that don't match might be some other thing expressing itself more forcefully. Or it might not be RSD specifically, but something in the ballpark where coping strategies for RSD might still work.

The thing I find hardest about those descriptors of RSD is they can all be explained away individually but they start looking like they fit when you take them as a whole. But how many people have been told what could be a systematic or even biological issue is instead solely a failure of willpower or effort on the individual's part?

[lokifan]

lots of the questions I yelled "COMPARED TO WHO?"

RIGHT. Dyspraxia is like "do you find it harder than most people to have good handwriting" like...???