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jackPsyching is hilarious. My hand is: CAKQxxxxxx D7 HKx SAx.
(For those non-bridge players reading along at home, I'll add explanations in italics.
A, K, Q, J and T represent Ace, King, Queen, Jack and Ten; numerals represent numbers, and 'x' represents a small card where it's unlikely to matter which. C=Clubs, etc.
This is a big hand, since it's very probably going to win nine or ten tricks if clubs are trumps. There are only five clubs not in this hand, so very probably if this hand plays the highest clubs first, someone will have to follow suit with the J and T, and then all those 'x's win tricks.
Plus the SA will win a trick, and the heart K will win a trick if (a) I could win a trick in my partner's hand and (b) my right-hand opponent has the heart A. If so, I win a trick in partner's hand and play a heart from that hand: if right-hand opponent plays the ace, I play the small heart, and then win whatever card he plays next, and then win with the heart K, the highest heart left; if right hand opponent doesn't play the ace, I play the king and win.)
I have 9.5 tricks. The only cards I care about are, does partner have the DA, HA or SK? One means we can make five (there are thirteen tricks, and you have to win more than half, thus "five" means "six+five", ie. eleven, ie. all but two. In club, you need to win five for it to be worthwhile; six and seven are much better) clubs. If he has any honour cards at all we might well make five clubs anyway.
(For instance, if he had Diamond ace and king I can lead my diamond, winning his ace, playing his queen and discarding my spade. Then the only cards I lose are the small heart, and the king of hearts if the ace is held by left-hand opponent)
Guess what partner does? Partner has almost no honour cards and no long suits, and psyches bidding one spade.
(A psych is a lie, which is an entirely legal risk. He bids one spade, and then if opponents have a lot of spades they could be successful by making spades trumps, but neither of them wants to because they think my partner has many. It's risky because it's misleading to me too.)
However, in some ways, that's nearly perfect for me. I can bid 4NT, (which by convention doesn't mean No Trumps, but is a way of asking partner how many of the aces and the king of his suit he has.) That's exactly what I know.
However, this is temporarily hilarious to partner and opponents. As soon as as soon as they guess he didn't really have spades, they think my large bids are doomed (They assume I have a lot of spades too, which is only really useful if he really does have four or more spades). In fact, I couldn't care less about his spades, (he probably only has four or five, and I am going to bid clubs as soon as I find out what honour cards he has).
In fact, left-hand opponent has a very nice hand too and bids, and partner, having much less than he'd already said passes. (In fact, we decided we ought to play R0P1 convention, and that would show one ace/SK. But it doesn't make any difference as I need two.) Fortunately he really was really, really weak, as if he'd had one ace and one king, I would probably have wanted him to bid, but he wouldn't have known that, as he would think I wanted him to have all the cards he'd promised, whereas in fact, I didn't care, I just wanted those two :)
Right-hand opponent ends up in five diamonds, and they might have has slam on but in fact, they don't (misled by all of the crazy shit going on, maybe, although likely it didn't make any difference). This hand doubles, and not even five diamonds quite works.
(I can't remember if five clubs would have made. Partner has heart Q and J but nothing else, so not if opponents make all the right plays, but I think it was possible they don't.)
The question
The question is, is there anything else this hand could do in the bidding? It sounds like if there's no spade bid, it should try to find out if there's 6-8 honour card points opposite, and if not give up, and if so assume five clubs is ok, and then try to ask about aces, and bid 5C with none, 6C with one, and 7C with two. But I'm not at all sure, almost anything could be the right answer.
ETA: Oh, hey. Apparently you can lj-cut a close-italic tag. Hm.
(For those non-bridge players reading along at home, I'll add explanations in italics.
A, K, Q, J and T represent Ace, King, Queen, Jack and Ten; numerals represent numbers, and 'x' represents a small card where it's unlikely to matter which. C=Clubs, etc.
This is a big hand, since it's very probably going to win nine or ten tricks if clubs are trumps. There are only five clubs not in this hand, so very probably if this hand plays the highest clubs first, someone will have to follow suit with the J and T, and then all those 'x's win tricks.
Plus the SA will win a trick, and the heart K will win a trick if (a) I could win a trick in my partner's hand and (b) my right-hand opponent has the heart A. If so, I win a trick in partner's hand and play a heart from that hand: if right-hand opponent plays the ace, I play the small heart, and then win whatever card he plays next, and then win with the heart K, the highest heart left; if right hand opponent doesn't play the ace, I play the king and win.)
I have 9.5 tricks. The only cards I care about are, does partner have the DA, HA or SK? One means we can make five (there are thirteen tricks, and you have to win more than half, thus "five" means "six+five", ie. eleven, ie. all but two. In club, you need to win five for it to be worthwhile; six and seven are much better) clubs. If he has any honour cards at all we might well make five clubs anyway.
(For instance, if he had Diamond ace and king I can lead my diamond, winning his ace, playing his queen and discarding my spade. Then the only cards I lose are the small heart, and the king of hearts if the ace is held by left-hand opponent)
Guess what partner does? Partner has almost no honour cards and no long suits, and psyches bidding one spade.
(A psych is a lie, which is an entirely legal risk. He bids one spade, and then if opponents have a lot of spades they could be successful by making spades trumps, but neither of them wants to because they think my partner has many. It's risky because it's misleading to me too.)
However, in some ways, that's nearly perfect for me. I can bid 4NT, (which by convention doesn't mean No Trumps, but is a way of asking partner how many of the aces and the king of his suit he has.) That's exactly what I know.
However, this is temporarily hilarious to partner and opponents. As soon as as soon as they guess he didn't really have spades, they think my large bids are doomed (They assume I have a lot of spades too, which is only really useful if he really does have four or more spades). In fact, I couldn't care less about his spades, (he probably only has four or five, and I am going to bid clubs as soon as I find out what honour cards he has).
In fact, left-hand opponent has a very nice hand too and bids, and partner, having much less than he'd already said passes. (In fact, we decided we ought to play R0P1 convention, and that would show one ace/SK. But it doesn't make any difference as I need two.) Fortunately he really was really, really weak, as if he'd had one ace and one king, I would probably have wanted him to bid, but he wouldn't have known that, as he would think I wanted him to have all the cards he'd promised, whereas in fact, I didn't care, I just wanted those two :)
Right-hand opponent ends up in five diamonds, and they might have has slam on but in fact, they don't (misled by all of the crazy shit going on, maybe, although likely it didn't make any difference). This hand doubles, and not even five diamonds quite works.
(I can't remember if five clubs would have made. Partner has heart Q and J but nothing else, so not if opponents make all the right plays, but I think it was possible they don't.)
The question
The question is, is there anything else this hand could do in the bidding? It sounds like if there's no spade bid, it should try to find out if there's 6-8 honour card points opposite, and if not give up, and if so assume five clubs is ok, and then try to ask about aces, and bid 5C with none, 6C with one, and 7C with two. But I'm not at all sure, almost anything could be the right answer.
ETA: Oh, hey. Apparently you can lj-cut a close-italic tag. Hm.