Unsolicited personal advice
Nov. 12th, 2010 02:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jackPremises:
1. This person has a problem.
2. I find this problem easy to fix in my own life.
3. Everyone is exactly the same as me.
4. Therefore this person WOULD find it easy to fix if they knew about it.
5. Therefore they DON'T know about it.
6. Therefore all I have to do is tell them, and they'll instantly reform, be happy, and shower me with gratitude.
7. Oh no, it didn't work out like that :( What's wrong?
Spot the mistake? Step 3. If someone is genuinely unaware that they have a problem (typically something urgent and immediate) then telling them may genuinely fix everything. If they're refusing to admit they have a problem, then telling them may eventually get through (although not necessarily).
But often, it's not that someone doesn't KNOW they have a problem, it's that even if they do they don't find it easy to fix it even if you would. Either for an objective physical reason (eg. find it hard to get fit because a medical condition makes it much harder to exercise) or an internal reason (eg. they're panicked and don't know where to start and don't dare face it). Even if it's not obvious by looking at them.
In which case saying "it's easy to fix you should start by doing [several easy things]" may help (if you know their situation well enough to know what the things are), but saying "it's really urgent" is likely to only make them feel more dejected about the problem.
This is the problem with, for instance, going up to people in the street and saying they should exercise more, even discounting that they may have some good reason for not doing so, or some good reason for not needing to, even if they WOULD like to, even if you're right, it's unlikely to be what they need to hear.
ETA: This was originally going to be a cartoon with a little whistling dude who didn't know he had a problem and a little "la la la" dude who didn't admit it and a little flailing dude who didn't know how to fix it. But it seemed too complicated for a cartoon :)
1. This person has a problem.
2. I find this problem easy to fix in my own life.
3. Everyone is exactly the same as me.
4. Therefore this person WOULD find it easy to fix if they knew about it.
5. Therefore they DON'T know about it.
6. Therefore all I have to do is tell them, and they'll instantly reform, be happy, and shower me with gratitude.
7. Oh no, it didn't work out like that :( What's wrong?
Spot the mistake? Step 3. If someone is genuinely unaware that they have a problem (typically something urgent and immediate) then telling them may genuinely fix everything. If they're refusing to admit they have a problem, then telling them may eventually get through (although not necessarily).
But often, it's not that someone doesn't KNOW they have a problem, it's that even if they do they don't find it easy to fix it even if you would. Either for an objective physical reason (eg. find it hard to get fit because a medical condition makes it much harder to exercise) or an internal reason (eg. they're panicked and don't know where to start and don't dare face it). Even if it's not obvious by looking at them.
In which case saying "it's easy to fix you should start by doing [several easy things]" may help (if you know their situation well enough to know what the things are), but saying "it's really urgent" is likely to only make them feel more dejected about the problem.
This is the problem with, for instance, going up to people in the street and saying they should exercise more, even discounting that they may have some good reason for not doing so, or some good reason for not needing to, even if they WOULD like to, even if you're right, it's unlikely to be what they need to hear.
ETA: This was originally going to be a cartoon with a little whistling dude who didn't know he had a problem and a little "la la la" dude who didn't admit it and a little flailing dude who didn't know how to fix it. But it seemed too complicated for a cartoon :)
no subject
Date: 2010-11-13 02:04 pm (UTC)Plus not everyone *wants* to fix something that other people see as a problem. (1)
Unsolicited advice on weight/fitness is almost *never* welcome, which is one reason I try not to talk too much about the fact I'm dieting.