Jack's Life Advice: RSVP

[jack]

"RSVP" traditionally means exactly what it says: please respond. Whether or not you're able to come. Traditionally, not doing so is rude (assuming the invitation came from someone who had a genuine reason to invite you).

Now, a much better heuristic is: on invitations to big social events like weddings, "RSVP" retains the traditional usage. On casual social engagements, "RSVP" typically means "let me know if you're going to come" and non-response is treated like a "no". Although often positive responses are helpful even if not necessary, and often there is some flexibility to turn up at the last minute.

Unfortunately, this means that you can't really say it at all without a little bit of ambiguity. Normally the heuristic works fine, but it may be slightly better to specify what you actually mean, eg. "let me know if X, letting me know if Y would be helpful but not necessary" or "please let me know by DATE if you want to come or not, or what it depends on if still unsure". Or even to give people a little helping hand by asking them if they're probably coming, which many people can answer immediately, and is often sufficient for small social occasions, rather than if they're definitely coming, which puts many people into "let me check my diary for three months" mode.

Comments

[redbird]

And sometimes the request is clear but misuses "RSVP." We just got a party announcement at work, with "If attending cocktail reception, please RSVP by email."

(There are other communication problems here--this was sent as a PDF, with the email subject "Revised - Holiday Invite 2010." Where "revised" means change of event style and location, and request for response.)

[seryn]

I find that acronyms lose their original meaning. If I want someone to jump right on something, I don't say ASAP, I say, "I need this as soon as you possibly can." People don't do native acronym expansion, they start to get treated like emphasis.

Do this ASAP == I need you to fucking do this!

It's got 4 letters because it's a four-letter emphasis.

RSVP means "I'm really going to have this event and I'm not going to bail at the last minute leaving you with no plans even though you've received 3 other fun invites." It has nothing to do with the invitee actually having to respond. Because RSVP is not only an acronym, it's foreign. So, "No one can be expected to know what that used to mean."

If you want to know whether someone who is being invited will come, you need to say when they have to decide by and remind them to convey that choice to you. You usually have to explain why you need that information early... "We're having the party catered and the caterer needs 10 days notice." Most people throwing fancy weddings offer a choice of food, that way the invitee can see that returning the enclosed card will keep them from being stuck with the fish in beet sauce.

I really don't like acronyms in formal invitations. It runs contrary to the point.

[jack]

not only an acronym, it's foreign

Good point. And excellent description of what RSVP is used to mean. Acronyms usually do this. But even when I know what it's used to mean, I twitch when people use the same word to mean different things, I'm sure it's going to backfire eventually :)

If I want someone to jump right on something, I don't say ASAP

And in fact, even "now" needs context. Sometimes it means "add it to your weekly list of tasks and don't forget about it". And sometimes it means "drop everything as soon as you get this message and don't do anything else until it's done"

[seryn]

You know what gets to me about this? People using shorthand phrasing, abbreviations, to avoid saying what they actually mean... then being upset or angry that the interpretation came out differently than expected.

If you want something done this week but it should be shuffled into the queue, there should be a way to say that so everyone knows that is what should happen. Then there should be an "urgent urgent, this supercedes all other tasks! ask me what to do if you have 2 of these."

It's not inconceivable anymore. "You keep using that word, but it doesn't mean what you think it means." And we can think through the repercussions of our language choices.