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jackI can't describe myself as someone who *doesn't* procrastinate, but I think, after a very long time of small improvements, I might have moved out of the worst of "having things I'm literally unable to do". Which was something was never sure if I'd achieve, although I was never easily able to think clearly about, because I didn't want to admit how bad the problem was, so I don't feel so much exhilaration as extremely cautious numb relief. Although I think I am more relaxed and able to enjoy things.
Thousands and thousands of thanks to my parents, and Liv who have been supportive and patient and helped incredibly much while I've had problems I'm not easily able to describe what's wrong or what would help (even if many people I know fight much worse problems).
I'd always wondered if I'd write a "how not to procrastinate" guide when I fixed it. Well, it turns out that it's not easily reducible to a set of simple steps that once you know what they are, it's easy, which was not exactly a surprise. But I guess I do have *some* advice.
A lot of it feels really fake in retrospect. Like, I got over some particular hang-up, and then later on thinking back, I couldn't easily reconstruct the state of mind I was when I had the problem. I remember what I did that helped, but I found it hard to believe that had really been necessary.
Which just shows, how *different* brains can be, and how hard it can be to get what's going on in someone else's brain, even when it feels like you would know.
So some of this series will be my best recollections of what worked at the time, before they fade further, and some will be my best interpretations of what was going on with the power of hindsight.
Tip #1: Don't be depressed
I realise that's sort of unhelpful. But seriously, that CAN help, in several ways.
If you're burning out on something, often taking a break can help. You need to figure out how much to take a break to recharge, and how much not to because that will just turn into never doing the thing. Do self care things, a break from responsibility (e.g. play a phone game, etc, ideally something absorbing but not something complicated enough you get sucked in long term), low-pressure human contact if that usually helps you, eat if you're hungry, get a hot drink, and enough water/squash/etc that you're hydrated.
If this is a long-term problem, consider if a therapist, life coach, etc, is an option available. Don't focus on "do I deserve this" -- that's the depression talking, generally speaking taking advantage of that sort of service HELPS it be available to other people, not hinders. If there's a year or more waiting list, you'll find that out. Don't ask, will it help, if you're not sure, you can try it and see. (I didn't do any of this, sorry. But I probably should have done.)
(And this is way, way outside the scope of the post, but if, if you ask someone you know fairly well, "it feels like this, do I probably have depression", then you probably do, and treating it is hard, but many many people find therapy, or one medication or another, or some combination helps, so try that, even if it's not a guarantee. Do not think, "nothing will help, there's no point", it's a trap. Do not think, "I should be able to fix this with willpower", not having willpower is exactly the disease, try to get that fixed first. If possible, get a friend to talk you through the steps of finding a professional, or the best alternatives if you can't do that. And do that *first*, fixing "I find doing things hard" will be a lot easier once you've started to handle that.)
As hinted above, if you have friends you can ask for advice, outsource some of these decisions. Often saying, "yes, duh, you'd benefit from therapy" or "it's worth it, keep going, you're nearly there" or "friend, you are not making progress, you are not going to do this by the deadline nohow."
Sometimes you need to get things done despite a bad life situation :( But if you can reduce the amount you're totally dispirited, it will likely help a lot. All sorts of things, from small tasks to massive ones, suddenly feel easy when I feel more upbeat.
I don't think it was always that straightforward, I think when I was mired in some of this stuff, having a better mood helped, but there was plenty of stuff that I still found impossible, and trying to do them just made me despair again. But the steady improvement meant I reached a point where, when my mood improved, things seemed straight-forward again.
Even small things. I get into a habit of throwing socks onto the bottom step, to take upstairs to the laundry basket next time I'm going. Do I, in fact, take them upstairs next time I'm going? I mean, walking up stairs with socks is not actually harder, the only thing I need to do is actually pick them up. But no, do I heck as like. Well, some days I do, some days I don't. I know I could build the habit of doing it always, I have for things I really need to do, but when I haven't, it's like a switch. When I feel better, I do random small chores because why not. When I feel bad, I feel doing that carries the weight of committing to ALWAYS do that and keeping it tidy forever and I shy away, leaving it until I actually have to do it. I think the specifics of those behaviours are very individual, but (a) if something feels impossible, know that most of the time, what you actually need to do *isn't* impossible, and doing something is probably better than doing nothing, and not thinking about the bigger problem except occasionally is often better than dwelling on it (b) if you practice, you often can learn to do little things without thinking about any of the hangups, don't put too much weight on it (c) if you can't today, maybe you will tomorrow, don't feel too bad if you can't.
Standard caveat
I'm not sure how much the depression description applies to me. I was never "not able to enjoy things" the way I associate with descriptions of depression, and if I got away from the problems I was worried about, I perked up immediately. But I did have a lot of "everything feels impossible". And I always had friends, enjoyable activities, etc, I never felt like I was sad or suffering especially, rather than I had a normal fairly enjoyable life, except that before I worked to improve it, for quite a while I kept not getting around to things, both fun things like "write a computer game" and important things like "paying bills" and "doing my job" underneath the waterline.
This is "how not to procrastinate" not "how to fix mental health". OK, further posts to follow.
Thousands and thousands of thanks to my parents, and Liv who have been supportive and patient and helped incredibly much while I've had problems I'm not easily able to describe what's wrong or what would help (even if many people I know fight much worse problems).
I'd always wondered if I'd write a "how not to procrastinate" guide when I fixed it. Well, it turns out that it's not easily reducible to a set of simple steps that once you know what they are, it's easy, which was not exactly a surprise. But I guess I do have *some* advice.
A lot of it feels really fake in retrospect. Like, I got over some particular hang-up, and then later on thinking back, I couldn't easily reconstruct the state of mind I was when I had the problem. I remember what I did that helped, but I found it hard to believe that had really been necessary.
Which just shows, how *different* brains can be, and how hard it can be to get what's going on in someone else's brain, even when it feels like you would know.
So some of this series will be my best recollections of what worked at the time, before they fade further, and some will be my best interpretations of what was going on with the power of hindsight.
Tip #1: Don't be depressed
I realise that's sort of unhelpful. But seriously, that CAN help, in several ways.
If you're burning out on something, often taking a break can help. You need to figure out how much to take a break to recharge, and how much not to because that will just turn into never doing the thing. Do self care things, a break from responsibility (e.g. play a phone game, etc, ideally something absorbing but not something complicated enough you get sucked in long term), low-pressure human contact if that usually helps you, eat if you're hungry, get a hot drink, and enough water/squash/etc that you're hydrated.
If this is a long-term problem, consider if a therapist, life coach, etc, is an option available. Don't focus on "do I deserve this" -- that's the depression talking, generally speaking taking advantage of that sort of service HELPS it be available to other people, not hinders. If there's a year or more waiting list, you'll find that out. Don't ask, will it help, if you're not sure, you can try it and see. (I didn't do any of this, sorry. But I probably should have done.)
(And this is way, way outside the scope of the post, but if, if you ask someone you know fairly well, "it feels like this, do I probably have depression", then you probably do, and treating it is hard, but many many people find therapy, or one medication or another, or some combination helps, so try that, even if it's not a guarantee. Do not think, "nothing will help, there's no point", it's a trap. Do not think, "I should be able to fix this with willpower", not having willpower is exactly the disease, try to get that fixed first. If possible, get a friend to talk you through the steps of finding a professional, or the best alternatives if you can't do that. And do that *first*, fixing "I find doing things hard" will be a lot easier once you've started to handle that.)
As hinted above, if you have friends you can ask for advice, outsource some of these decisions. Often saying, "yes, duh, you'd benefit from therapy" or "it's worth it, keep going, you're nearly there" or "friend, you are not making progress, you are not going to do this by the deadline nohow."
Sometimes you need to get things done despite a bad life situation :( But if you can reduce the amount you're totally dispirited, it will likely help a lot. All sorts of things, from small tasks to massive ones, suddenly feel easy when I feel more upbeat.
I don't think it was always that straightforward, I think when I was mired in some of this stuff, having a better mood helped, but there was plenty of stuff that I still found impossible, and trying to do them just made me despair again. But the steady improvement meant I reached a point where, when my mood improved, things seemed straight-forward again.
Even small things. I get into a habit of throwing socks onto the bottom step, to take upstairs to the laundry basket next time I'm going. Do I, in fact, take them upstairs next time I'm going? I mean, walking up stairs with socks is not actually harder, the only thing I need to do is actually pick them up. But no, do I heck as like. Well, some days I do, some days I don't. I know I could build the habit of doing it always, I have for things I really need to do, but when I haven't, it's like a switch. When I feel better, I do random small chores because why not. When I feel bad, I feel doing that carries the weight of committing to ALWAYS do that and keeping it tidy forever and I shy away, leaving it until I actually have to do it. I think the specifics of those behaviours are very individual, but (a) if something feels impossible, know that most of the time, what you actually need to do *isn't* impossible, and doing something is probably better than doing nothing, and not thinking about the bigger problem except occasionally is often better than dwelling on it (b) if you practice, you often can learn to do little things without thinking about any of the hangups, don't put too much weight on it (c) if you can't today, maybe you will tomorrow, don't feel too bad if you can't.
Standard caveat
I'm not sure how much the depression description applies to me. I was never "not able to enjoy things" the way I associate with descriptions of depression, and if I got away from the problems I was worried about, I perked up immediately. But I did have a lot of "everything feels impossible". And I always had friends, enjoyable activities, etc, I never felt like I was sad or suffering especially, rather than I had a normal fairly enjoyable life, except that before I worked to improve it, for quite a while I kept not getting around to things, both fun things like "write a computer game" and important things like "paying bills" and "doing my job" underneath the waterline.
This is "how not to procrastinate" not "how to fix mental health". OK, further posts to follow.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-03 09:10 pm (UTC)This is such a useful insight. It rings very true for me.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-04 11:30 am (UTC)