Susan's bike is cuddly, or, Jack and Phoebe's adventures in Hacksaw Land (which is a state of mind)

[jack]

I met bachlover for Dojo's again, and when I got back to my bike, the key wouldn't turn. I immediately formed several hypotheses, Watson, where ennumerate as follows:

(1) I was turning it the wrong way
(2) I had wandered into an alternate cambridge where my key was very slightly different
(3) I was trying to unlock the wrong bike
(4) Someone had damaged the lock trying to pick it
(5) Someone had damaged the lock our of spite
(6) Someone had damaged the lock out of a cunning campaign to pursuade people it's better to leave your bike unlocked and have it stolen occasionally than have it be buggered every time.
(7) Someone had damaged the lock intending to come back with a hacksaw later.

I quickly eliminated (2) and (6) as implausible, (1) and (3) by inspection, (7) by hope, and concluded (4) or (5) meant I was stuck.

I wandered over to the Carlton, where Susan gallantly offered to lend me her emergency bike, and maybe provide fortifying alchoholic chocalte liquid stuff.

As promised, this was very pink-and-white, very rickety, somewhat flat and had worn brakes. The chain came off about 5 times in the first two hundred yards, but then we reached an accomodation, and it got me safely home with no incident. It's quite restful to cycle slowly for once, and concentrate on how it's faster than walking not slower than instant, and do some plotting (Got a Big Bad :)). I decided it was a bike with some character, a la Phaeton in Robert Rankin.

Today I cycled into town before work, bought a hacksaw, and vented myself on my old lock. It doesn't take very long at all. As a precaution I took the receipt and manual for the bike, but no-one challenged me, except for one boy who said "That looks rather illegal," to which I responded "It does, doesn't it?"

I suppose it's a bad risk to steal a bike in broad daylight if only because the owner might come back, but still I wanted to grab people to shake them and say "Look at me! Ask me if this bike is mine, or something, won't you? I could be stealing it" OTOH, that might give the wrong idea.

Spookily, Mair also had to do this today.

Comments

[simont]

As promised, this was very pink-and-white, very rickety, somewhat flat and had worn brakes.

The alcoholic chocolate liquid stuff?!

[simont]

Oh, and Phaeton is in Good Omens. You're thinking of Marchant, I think.

[mair_in_grenderich]

The chain came off about 5 times in the first two hundred yards, but then we reached an accomodation,

Sounds rather cryptonomicon-ish ...

My landlord attacked mine with a hacksaw on Monday, and we quickly decided it wasn't going through. Tuesday and Wednesday I did work, or something. Yesterday I noticed that a local shop hire (or is it I who hires them? In which case what does the shop do?) angle grinders, and went in to ask, but they thought I looked too girly, or something, and sent me off to look for bolt cutters instead - which I got around to today.

Last time I locked a bike up and lost the key, a friend borrowed an angle grinder from the engineering department.

[edith-the-hutt.livejournal.com]

I recently locked my bike to someone elses at the train station and was presented with the remains of my old lock by the Station Cycles people. I was so impressed that they decided my lock required an angle grinder that I bought a chain from the same brand. Unfortunetally said chain has decided to not unlock on me, providing a nice 2kg artistic addition to my crossbar and requiring me to buy another D-lock.

Reading the literature from my chain I suspect a hack-saw would be faced with the slight problem that the chain is probably made from harder steel than the saw. I'm reliably informed bolt cutters won't go through this thing either. So it looks as if this 2kg artistic addition is here to stay...

[emperor]

N2(l) to thermally shock it?

[icantcarenemore.livejournal.com]

I have in fact broken a key (a fragile partly plastic one) by attempting to unlock my bike. It was only afterwards I realised it has two seperate tumbler-like turning thingies that were out of alignment, and the top one would not turn without the top one turning too. I can't imagine what purpose this serves, but it must be similar to applying a fragile plastic case to a metal pole and then pretend it's the users fault when it snaps in half along the hastily glued seam.
It is *not* possible to apply enough force without the case =P

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

If it reassures you, once I was walking down Mill Lane and noticed a bicycle with its back light turned on, so I stopped and turned it off to save at least the batteries of the idiot who had left their lights on their bike when they parked, and somebody asked me what I was doing to that bike. (It might have been the owner though.)