Christopher Hithens

Katy linked to this, and I responded there, but as always someone, in this case Gene Weingarten, said what I said better and funnier.

"Have you read Christopher Hitchens's essay in Vanity Fair, where he claims that women aren't funny? Actually, he doesn't argue that point so much as he accepts it as an immutable and incontestable fact, then examines how this tragic state of affairs has come about.

The first thing I noticed about this piece was that it wasn't remotely funny, though not for lack of trying. Hitchens's efforts to inject humor into his essay were heavy-handed and painful, like a gorilla's efforts to inject Novocain into your jaw. ... his case boils down to this: Women aren't funny because they are, y'know, ladylike."

"This is obviously a man who does not know women to any real depth. If you see what I am saying."

Christmas

At the end of the year I had two weeks holiday I was obliged to take, which I spent with my parents, and then with mum's side of the family over Christmas.
The first week was at my parents' house in Worcester (in Worcestershire, just south of Birmingham). In fact, I think I had a touch of a bug or something, for I was quite tired all this week, beyond the normal three month's sleep debt I expected to catch up with :) But it worked out quite well because I just relaxed, didn't worry about getting anything done, and spent time with mum and dad.

Dad and I made it a point to get out every time, typically to play pub games of some description or other. We traditionally play:

* Fives and threes. Each time you play a domino you add the values on the two ends of the chain, and score a point for each time 3 and 5 exactly divide into that number (eg. the maximum score is on a value of 15, when you score 8=3+5)
* Crib.
* Pool. I was out of practice (so was Dad) and a bit unsteady, and lost all the of the games. I did get to win, but just for one second -- I was playing well, potted all my balls, lined up the black in the jaws while Dad still had one of his left, sank it easily from the other end of the table. Then the white teetered and followed it in.

We also managed several long walks up and down the river Severn. On Saturday all three of us walked up to the cider pub, the camp, and came back through the empty fields singing arm in arm. We each have our own endless refrain with which to drown out the annoying one of the others, be it "My father knew Lloyd George, Lloyd George knew my father,.My father knew Lloyd George, Lloyd George knew my father..." or "Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall," or "I went to the animal fair", but finally settled on a rugby ballad,

If I were the marrying kind
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir!
The kind of man whom I would wed would be a Rugby [prop], sir.
He'd [push hard], I'd [push hard], we'd both [push hard] together!
We'd be all right, in the middle of the night, [pushing hard] together!

This also goes on forever, if you're sufficiently inventing reasons to wed Rugby referees, linesmen, scrum-halves, full-backs, etc.

And all in all we went two weeks without annoying each other, except for perhaps a day in the middle. That's pretty damn impressive for *any* three people! :)

*waves* Hello respected parents and authors of my existence, I love you!

Christmas

The second week, we visited Grandfather in Scorton (a little village between Lancaster and Preston, in Lancashire close to the west coast. But we're all Yorkshire by heritage), and to see mum's side of the family.

We go to my Uncle and Aunt's for Christmas day. They always have what I think of as a proper Christmas, a big meal, shiny house, although now I'm grown up mum and I agreed we actually find it a bit tiring, and might rather get drunk by ourselves. Maybe I should invite my parents and grandfather here next Christmas.

I have several presents that aren't very exciting, but I wanted and wouldn't have bought, such as a large rucksack for when I want to transport Everything in Tesco or All the Board Games Ever about, and if I ever go camping will be useful. I irresponsibly pre-empted them with several presents to myself in November/December that were still being tried out, such as a lot of books, and a graphics tablet.

Presents

What are presents? Shall we say, giving someone something they wouldn't have had otherwise. However, the reasons why they don't have that differ. For a child, it's probably "your parents haven't bought it yet." For many people, it's "I can't afford to buy that." However, a pleasant middle-class household *could* afford any thing they wanted, all the way up to £200,000 if they chose; but they can't afford *all* things, so you chose which to spend surplus income on. Then the limiting factor is almost "thoyling." A present to myself is something I can afford, that's fun, but that I'm being profligate for :) If you're actually pretty rich, then you have the "already got everything problem."

The *other* limiting factor is knowing you wanted something, or that something existed. That's why buying presents can be so difficult, you're looking for something you know someone would like, that they wouldn't. Meeting both factors is more "wow-ful" though meeting either is fine. For someone very rich, this is about the only way. For someone very poor, it's obviously better, but there would be many things you both know you want, that would be very acceptable. If you can't meet either, that's when you exchange book tokens, which is perfectly fine, but isn't special.

Of course, there are other things as well. You might give someone something they couldn't have for any combination of reasons including the above and: you were married to them didn't previously want them to; they would be embarrassed to buy it; they would have had to get it shipped from another country; etc.

This is why I like books. If you *really* want a book, you can buy it, but there are too many good books, so having that specific one is a little extra unjustified luxury. And there will *always* be books you might like but haven't read. It's difficult to know what, but at least you stand a *fair* chance of picking right :)

For myself, I always like:

* Things I didn't know I wanted, geek toys, etc.
* Music. I listen to almost no music, so if you want to impress your tastes upon me, try, please! :)
* Books. Pick something you like and think I might like, and it'll always be gratefully received.
* Chocolate. I don't *especially* like chocolate, but it's always very nice and I never buy it :)