jack: (Default)
Q. Can I help you? What do you want?
A. What do I want?
Q. Uh, in the next half-hour, say.
A. Oh, then mushrooms hammered flat and flavoured of chicken.
Q. Ah, of course. Aisle 7, non-religious ethics, sir.

Q. Why is this shelf leaking corrosive green gas?
A. Ah! That's the low-sodium salt, sir.

Q. Why is "Cheshire" in the "continental" section?
A. Well, it is in the continent, isn't it?
Q. Well, yes, but so is the washing powder in the continent, you haven't put that there.
Q. For the record, I'm implying you could move the "cheshire" into the "cheese aisle", not everything else into the "continental" section.
A. Oh good. Otherwise no-one would be able to find anything, they'd have to look at every product in the store just to by bread!
Q. Uh.... I'll just stop suggesting things now, shall I.
A. Very well. Thank you, sir.

Q. Hi.
A. Hello, Jack.
Q. Maternal progenitor and respected sustainer of my existence, Greetings. [Yes, I actually do answer the phone like this. Sometimes. I think I've never yet to the completely wrong person; I will almost always have seen caller id.]
A. How and where are you? [No, my mother doesn't talk like that, unless she wants to get my attention.]
Q. I'm in Tesco's. Can we chat later?
A. Please.
Q. Also, would you say lightbulbs were more like binbags or DVD players? And do you remember who wrote
A Mathematician's Delight? [Yes, I do talk like that, though much more so to people who will think it's funny. And have requested in-store directions over the phone, though only when it's particularly convenient or funny -- it's wrong to do so habitually.]
jack: (Default)
I fixed my bike

Well, not quite. It has a slow puncture. But it's rideable, just. The wheel seemed to have several faults stemming partly from my lack of practice. Lots of punctures. Inner tube doubling over inside the tyre and popping up as rabbit ears. Valve being twisted and not entering pump. Which were mutually causing -- I think a partially flat tyre being ridden on managed to double the tube. A rabbit ear catching on a strut causing a puncture. A valve leaking air. Time for gel tyres, but at least I can cycle to the shop.

Made, ate and enjoyed caesar salad

Quite nice. I think my objection to lettuce stems from it not having interesting stuff on. God, I really am a vegetarian now :)

Bought universal remote and headphones

Just a couple of toys that make my life a bit easier.

Retuned TV

Putting all the available channels at the start, so I don't have to scroll past 20 shopping or blank channels to get to ITV3. And I get E4 and abc1 which I didn't realise, which have some cool stuff on.

Got an interweb

Why am I constrained to call it that horrible ironic name?

And NTL seem to have changed their customer line slightly. Despite the frustration of being asked repeated and patronisingly why I didn't try their website (*does* their online customer enquiries work?), there were a few good things: an estimate of how long I'd have to wait, rather than "we are experiencing an 'unusual' volume of calls"; I was disconnected and they called me back, when I expected, since it was 5.02, I'd be lost; ok music and slightly less annoying adverts; helpful teleoperator. Though I have to take friday PM off, damn.

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