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jackThis would be private. Or indeed, not thought about at all. But let me delicately peel back a bleeding top layer of onion and let the fresh air breathe the raw self underneath. Yes, that's supposed to be disturbing.
Ie, many of you have seen me being stupid. Some of you have seen me being *very* stupid ("no sin so great..."). Well, here's another example. Mum, you may or may not want to read on, it's not a big deal :)
I'm cycling south over the elizabeth way bridge, on the pavement. A few young men are walking three abreast ahead of me, reluctantly squeezing together to let by a bike coming the other way, and I've slowed right down. Normally there's never a problem. I don't quite what's best. I don't have my bell, I can dismount and overtake on foot, or say "'Scuse me, mate" perhaps followed by "Can I..? Thank you!" I try the latter.
He says something like, hey, this isn't a cycle path, you should be on the road, sounding slightly exasperated. I say something like, the road markings said it was a cycle path. He says something similar. (*) I feel really awful, guilty.
Now he's moved aside, and I go on eschewing further conversation. On my side, there's: most people cycle along there; the road markings have a picture of a cycle with an arrow pointing up onto the pavement on a gap in the curb; at the underpass there's a central barrier with one half with a bike glyph, and down the steps are a bike ramp; the traffic can be fierce; the pavement is wide so I'm unlikely to inconvenience anywone. Objectively, I feel I was likely to have be right.
But it doesn't make a difference. When I'm walking through the underpass I feel bad again, and bang my head on the wall in frustration.
So there you go. A brief, passing, unimportant incident. But it means something to me to admit another problematic aspect of myself. I feel silly bringing it up when (a) it's embarassing to know about me and (b) it's a minor quirk compared to some people's problems :) but if we always said that we'd never say anything. I should just turn it off, but I don't have the switch handy, and it's so rarely a problem, there's lots of other stuff more important to me. I know it's annoying to know someone who is often assuming they're wrong -- but I find a hell of a lot less problematic than someone always assuming they're right :)
I don't know if it gives a too bad first impression of me to say it, but I prefer to err on the side of knowing about people than not.
Ie, many of you have seen me being stupid. Some of you have seen me being *very* stupid ("no sin so great..."). Well, here's another example. Mum, you may or may not want to read on, it's not a big deal :)
I'm cycling south over the elizabeth way bridge, on the pavement. A few young men are walking three abreast ahead of me, reluctantly squeezing together to let by a bike coming the other way, and I've slowed right down. Normally there's never a problem. I don't quite what's best. I don't have my bell, I can dismount and overtake on foot, or say "'Scuse me, mate" perhaps followed by "Can I..? Thank you!" I try the latter.
He says something like, hey, this isn't a cycle path, you should be on the road, sounding slightly exasperated. I say something like, the road markings said it was a cycle path. He says something similar. (*) I feel really awful, guilty.
Now he's moved aside, and I go on eschewing further conversation. On my side, there's: most people cycle along there; the road markings have a picture of a cycle with an arrow pointing up onto the pavement on a gap in the curb; at the underpass there's a central barrier with one half with a bike glyph, and down the steps are a bike ramp; the traffic can be fierce; the pavement is wide so I'm unlikely to inconvenience anywone. Objectively, I feel I was likely to have be right.
But it doesn't make a difference. When I'm walking through the underpass I feel bad again, and bang my head on the wall in frustration.
So there you go. A brief, passing, unimportant incident. But it means something to me to admit another problematic aspect of myself. I feel silly bringing it up when (a) it's embarassing to know about me and (b) it's a minor quirk compared to some people's problems :) but if we always said that we'd never say anything. I should just turn it off, but I don't have the switch handy, and it's so rarely a problem, there's lots of other stuff more important to me. I know it's annoying to know someone who is often assuming they're wrong -- but I find a hell of a lot less problematic than someone always assuming they're right :)
I don't know if it gives a too bad first impression of me to say it, but I prefer to err on the side of knowing about people than not.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-07 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-09 12:15 am (UTC)People generally don't mean it, but normal conversation doesn't have a very good of dealing with vast mental gulfs other than dropping it or letting whoever shouts loudest be assumed to be more knowledgeable :)