jack: (Default)
It took me a long time to develop a normal amount of "doing necessary things". Partly I had problems getting started on things (from big projects to every day things like getting out of bed). Partly I resented learning a rote system that didn't fit what I prioritised, so I didn't learn a system of "do this amount of housework every day" routine that I might have benefited from. Partly I was very perfectionist, so it felt futile to do *some* when I still wasn't doing *all*

I've got a lot better in various ways. Partly I have built up routines for day-to-day stuff. I have through various different tricks/habits/self-therapy slowly de-mystified "getting started". But there's a lot I'd still like to improve on.

I used to survive by basically living a status quo that had terrible housework, and a lot of regular socialising, but almost none of what you might call "working toward things". So in some ways that worked well, but I didn't want to get to age 80 and discover that I still went to the pub twice a week, but had never achieved anything and still lived in a similar student-style flat to when I was in my early twenties. Although I mean, maybe I should have been happier with that trade off, but I wasn't. But because my brain is infested with counter-productive perfectionism, as soon as I started to get better at things, it felt like I needed to be getting better at things ALL THE TIME.

Ideally I'd have regular self-care time. And regular socialising with other people. And time for the creative hobbies I enjoy doing: writing, GMing roleplaying, designing board games, programming, etc. And time for self-improvement, time for self-therapy, learning to dress better, learning to be a more pleasant person to be around. And time for "we really should have done this at some point" chores. And now I'm adding to the list "activism" as the crises I'm living through have ever more impossible to ignore. And so on.

But that is... a lot. I probably *can't* do all of that. But I can't bring myself to officially decide not to bother on any of them.

I've been through several previous systems. Recently I've been trying out "no responsibilities sat" where I can do just nothing, or work on what I feel like, without feeling constrained by "what I feel like I should do" which often killed my motivation. And I added "overdue chores Sunday", not the entire day, but basically I'd try to do SOME chore/chores which had been lingering with me never finding time for it, without feeling guilt for whether it had been on the list for days or years.

I realised the reason those worked is that it didn't make so much difference if I did the self-care and chores a lot or a little, as long as there kept being SOME at a steady rate, but not so much they took over everything else, or so little that they never happened.

Partly, I made the effort to stop thinking of all the chores as "I'll catch up once and then I'll be a Functioning Adult TM" but instead, "if I do a little bit every week or so on necessary house-ownership care, or necessary body-having appointments, or buying things that we might need but were never urgent, then over time I will be mostly up to date on the important things". And new things will always arrive, but as long as the new stuff is added.

Now I'm seriously considering... should I do that for everything? Not so much have a dedicated day, as I don't know if I want to do all those things the same amount. But maybe have a shuffled list, where if I have some time, I can say, "pick one or two of these at random, work on one of those for a bit", to ensure, I keep doing SOME stuff on all of them.

What does everyone else do? Do you have a way of balancing so many demands? Or do you in practice live in a status quo of "if things keep going like this, then in 20 years I'll feel it went well", and responding to additional demands as they come up?
jack: (Default)
For many people it helps to think of your brain as an eager puppy. It *wants* to help, but it's not always very good at it. If it's sad, you may need to cheer it up first: trying to train a puppy who's just cringing whatever you do doesn't achieve much.

You might think that you could praise it for achieving the objective and blame it for not achieving the objective, but often that doesn't work, and blaming it for "coming really close" just translates to "feels like it might as well not try". Often better results come from encouraging each baby step on the way until they become routine.

Sometimes it has too much energy and you need to let it calm down a bit. Sometimes its eager for a walk. Sometimes it's eager to help, but what you're doing isn't very fun and you need to make it a thing you enjoy doing together.

But over time, you get there. That was the thing that wasn't obvious to me, that sometimes there wasn't a one technique which fixed the thing, you needed to keep practising and only after months or years, did it start coming naturally. And practising kindness and empathy help, and rage should be used in very cautious moderation if at all.

However, as with many of these metaphors, that's one I expect to help *some* people and be actively damaging to *other* people, so don't force yourself to do this if it doesn't seem right to you, work on what does work.
jack: (Default)
One of the slightly less intuitive human needs is "being needed". I'm not quite sure how that fits in the traditional hierarchy of needs entries "achievement", "problem-solving", "respect", "self-respect", etc, but I think it does somehow.

Implications of this:

* An easy pointless job with no responsibility is not actually paradise. It's a lot better than not having a job, or having a hard pointless job with no responsibility, and if you're just struggling to survive at all, it is paradise. But even if you're not at risk of losing your job or stagnating your career, many people will still be horribly unsatisfied with this.

* "Group X shouldn't complain about not being entitled to serve in the military because it's dangerous" isn't a good argument. Yeah, there's lots of reasons NOT to serve in the military, but there are reasons TO, and saying "don't worry your pretty little head, we'll protect you, just stay at home and enslave yourself to some member of the majority group" is NOT an acceptable answer to "I want to serve my country, why can't I?"

* Utopias are hard, because if you just give people infinite leisure, they'll be unsatisfied. (I'm not sure either "a life of suffering and struggle" or "completely artificial challenges" are the right answer, but there may be a good answer somewhere between those extremes.)

* Life goals often include "doing something worthwhile" as well as "lots of enjoyment" and "lots of respect" in some proportion

* ETA: When people have screwed up their life (homeless, in prison, etc), sometimes just giving them a kitten to look after will make them a lot better. (Warning: there's a minority of people for whom this turns out badly.)
jack: (Default)
It occurs to me, that if I'm getting stressed by a situation, I feel compelled not to let that out in public, which is a very laudable aim, but typically backfires. Since I feel I can't show any stress until I have to, it means (i) I subconsciously want to boil over just a little earlier as a way to stop getting loaded with more stress and (ii) I've no way to escape until I totally implode.

I think it partly comes from socially-unaware and perfectionist tendencies: if you tend to equate any form of failure with "I might as well not bother", you subconsciously assume it's better to hold on as long as possible in the hope that you get through without any failure. Whereas for normal people, admitting a small failure now is better than holding on five more minutes and then imploding :)

Rather than going on thinking "I'm fine, I can hold on longer", it would be more useful if I could recognise when I was shortly going to run out of reserve, and get out somehow earlier. That might be rude, but presumably better than waiting till I implode. But I don't really have any practice at actually doing so, as I only just found the words to explain what I think was going on.

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